all directions are uncharted isles

Last time I blogged, I expressed my desires on wanting to watch so- and- so live. Great news. Foster the People are coming on the second week of January next year. Oh, such joy! Now, I only need to repress myself from spending money in order to accumulate RM 188. A large amount, I know, but anything to set my sights on Ponty (Mark Pontius, really, he plays the drums). I'm dead set on seeing them.

The thought of missing each and every (almost all, anyway) musical act I want to catch is just depressing. I mean, it's completely fine to miss it due to the lack of money, time. permission or transport, even and maybe, the concern of one's safety but to miss it because of the lack of a company? God, that is pathetic, to be honest.

Perhaps, I've only realized this now but I don't really have a friend who truly enjoys the same things as I do. Last time I checked, most of them were guys or I have fallen out of love with the things I used to revel at. That or I have fallen out of touch with those who used to be the greatest of companions. Now, I'm just alone.

It's not that I don't have friends, I just don't have my Pash yet. Oh dear God, please bless me with a Pash. The Bliss Cavendar in me is dying to have a Pash. An Oliver would be certain to spice things up too. But a Pash would do. An amazing friend like Pash would do.

Now, who's Pash, you may wonder? Well, excuse my Whip It reference.

Ellen Page and Alia Shawkat. Or Bliss and Pash from Whip It.

And Oliver? Well, just someone who's willing to sing the state anthem (Okay, maybe not). Um. Willing to listen to Arcade Fire and singalong to it. And maybe be in a band and NOT cheat on me. Hah. Dreaaaams~

Ellen Page and Landon Pigg. Or Bliss and Oliver.

Yes, I want to be Ellen Page in Whip It badly. Shut up about it. Not like you don't want to be Blake Lively or something.

Current Location: Smoke City!
Current Mood: longing?
Current Music: Metropolitan #1- OJ Law

p/s I watched AIM- 18 last weekend. Reza Salleh only won one. Frankly, Keith Yong won for his work on the album. Thankfully, Sheila Majid and Anuar Zain did win something. Justified, I suppose.

life's too short to even care at all

Music I Have To Listen Live Before I Grow Too Old


Coldplay


Young the Giant


Two Door Cinema Club


Phoenix


Arcade Fire


Khottal (/)


Sigur Ros


Mumford and Sons


Foster the People


Vampire Weeekend


Arctic Monkeys


Adele


Iron & Wine


Band of Horses


The Temper Trap


Paramore (/)


The Drums


MGMT


Ingrid Michaelson


Passion Pit


Maroon 5 (/)


Furniture (/)


The Pains of Being Pure at Heart


Ellie Goulding


Local Natives


John Mayer


Keane


The Strokes


Feist


James Morrison


Florence + the Machine


Kings of Leon


Jet


Akta Angkasa


Imogen Heap


Taylor Swift


Foals


A Fine Frenzy


Liyana Fizi (/)


Tenderfist


Jason Mraz


Explosions in the Sky


A post after a month! Finally! Anyway, these are just a few from my ever growing list of acts to watch though I need more friends :/ Only a handful of my friends know some of these bands and fewer wants to actually see them. Oh, life.

Current Location: at a Coldplay concert singing along to Chris Martin
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Alabaster- Foals

p/s Recommendation of the day: Cough Syrup by Young the Giant. Sameer Ghadia's voice is pure sex.

oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I am a reader. I am half the beautiful girl Warnke described; I am the girl who reads. I am the girl who loves bookstores. The environment, the smell, the feeling one can get just by discovering a new book. It could be Kafka, Chbosky, Tolstoy. Or even Sophie Kinsella and Julian Clary! Magazines, even; Frankie, Nylon, Dazed & Confused. It might as well be a modern architecture book that just caught your eye because of the sophisticated, eco- friendly house on the cover. It could also be a collection of typography. Young Malaysian poets. Old Singaporean poets. I am the girl who rips open the plastic covering as soon as I get the receipt. I am Little Miss Excited In A Bookstore.

Imagine life without a bookstore. Well, I can't.

America's facing a crisis where books don't sell anymore. Everybody is hooked on their iPads and Kindles and other tablets and e- readers one could own. Books don't sell anymore. Bookshops are closing. Owners can't pay their lease. Borders were in a huge debt that they can't afford to run it anymore. 2011 has been a sad year for readers. Not that I represent every single reader out there but I'm pretty sure I'm accurate. The internet is filled with people writing journals, blogs and essays about how these shops in America are closing. About how it breaks their heart. I suppose I'm one of those people. But it's true.

I remembered when I read the newspaper sometime this year and saw at the World section that Borders is facing bankruptcy. I remembered having some sort of a panicky- hyperventilating moment in my head. I remembered running to Google the state of it. To see if the Malaysian branches are affected as well. I remembered feeling relieved but I also remembered feeling really sad and almost teary- eyed. Borders; the bookshop of dreams is closing down? It felt almost surreal.

This cute hipster- manned bookstore is closing? I die a little inside.

So, I made a pledge. I'm going to buy books. I am not going to "invest" in an e- reader. I am going to waste my money buying books. I am going to waste the money my parents probably allocate for my spending (or they might not and I just spend their money recklessly. Oh dear God, save my parents' soul and cash. Maybe I should stop eating to save their money.) on books. From a bookstore. Not from an online shop. Not an e- book. I am going to buy and read for I cannot live without books. For I cannot live not being able to go to a bookstore.

And I had a moment in one.

I'd want to be able to grow old and point at the bookstore one day and say, "I had a moment in there." And smile. Or cry. The place might a wasteland in the future. No one but God knows what fate lies for it.

Current Location: somewhere only we know

Current Mood: sad

Current Music: Sunshine- Keane

p/s I finally got Keane's Hopes & Fears! Thanks, Wan. And I am going to buy Rob Sheffield's Love is a Mixtape. God knows why I haven't bought it just yet.

By the way, anyone remembers Warnke essay about readers? I found an alternate ending. Here you go.

So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. Or, perhaps, stay and save my life.

the waking up is the hardest part

If I were given a chance to be someone else than I am today, I would be spoilt for choices. In my restricted lifestyle (no car or driving license or skill, crazy kidnappers and rapists and acid splasher running wild in the country, erratic weather and the effects i.e. sunburn or the awkward NOT golden tan and et cetera et cetera), I would want to be a series of different things.

But I think I'd love to be a beach babe the most. I'd be skilled at swimming (something I have never mastered). I'd have a knack for surfing which sounds just amazing. I'd be the girl in the sundresses and cute aviators hanging around the beach with a cup of ice- cold green tea. I'd be the girl sitting on cliffs with a cute vintage Leica (preferably. I love that thing especially after fooling around with Wan's and this whole beach thing is about the look too) trying to take pictures of seagulls (I think I read the Seagull one too many time, now).

I'd be like Lilo from Lilo & Stitch but instead of rescuing aliens, I'd be volunteering at the nearest PAWS and working part time in a secondhand bookstore. My life would be sitting in a dusty bookstore, picking through the donations pile for what could be marketable. Doing all that while humming to the beat of the Pains of Being Pure at Heart (of which I played on the store's uber cool speaker system courtesy of the musician upstairs who no longer needs his Bose speakers), sipping on steaming cups of Java and reading the occasional Frankie someone cool on the island donated. And then there's the rare Jean- Paul Satre book I found that I sneaked back home. The owner wouldn't mind, he knew that I would appreciate the age of the old book.

I would live and breathe wooden bangles, vintage rings and long fanged or feathered necklaces. I breathe wide- brimmed sun hats in which I would wear whenever I cycle. Of course, cycling would be my mode of transportation (I never had the chance to master this skill either). My almost legal friends would drive around in convertible four wheel drives. There are no island police to catch the barely legal drivers. The friends with the cars would drive the carless ones everywhere. Said friend would take us to mainland to catch the dreampop band from the city. Said friend would drive us for late night dinners and chugging Snapples by the beach (bonfire and all).

Early morning weekends would be spent jogging by the beach, no iPod needed. The sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline is enough to soothe one's soul and the beauty of the clean seawater alone is enough to motivate a girl to run five kilometres. I'd pick up trash along the way (probably from some schoolmates' last night rendesvous Coke bottles and chocolate wrappers). Breakfast would be at the best friend's house. At the terrace, on a cliff (she's a pretty rich girl with a house facing directly at the sunset) eating banana pancakes and pineapples with jugs of fresh mango juice with mint leaves as garnish. She would then, try to impress me with her ukulele playing skill (she had just perfected learning how to play Chasing Cars) and I would sing along to

the familiar tune. I would know how to whistle and I do, occasionally whistle as I work. Normal pop music, when whistled becomes pretty genius! Later in the afternoon, a bunch of us would play volleyball by the beach and end up sunbathing or playing in the water. Lemonades and Gatorades are necessary along with granola bars and sunscreen.

At night, I'd come home and start barbecuing a little lamb, some shrimp and salmon for dinner with my dad and brother (I have a brother in this imaginary life!). My mum would be at the back snipping some flowers for the centrepiece and preparing a little salad and dessert with my sisters. I'd light up a few scented candles and voila, dinner is served! After dinner, brother's friends would come to pick him up for a secret gig at the old rundown theater. The cute one asked if I wanted to join. I profusely say no because I wanted to watch the latest indie flick on tv, Happythankyoumoreplease. He says, what a shame, I would love to have you see me perform. I'd still stay at home with a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Cookie Dough ice cream while watching Ted Mosby trying to score Kate Mara on telly.

Nearing bedtime, I'd snuggle in my hammock- like bed with netting all over it (I live in an open concept house which had zero air- conditioning except for the huge main hall) and fairy lights all over the wooden ceiling. Sented tea lights lighted up and mosquito repellent sprayed, I'm quite ready for bed. After doing a little light reading (Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper or John Green's Looking for Alaska) accompanied by Jonsi Birgisson's voice in Svefn g Englar. I woukd drift off to sleep dreaming that I was a wolf in the White North just admiring the aurora boraelis.

It's kind of the perfect life. Peaceful. Ethereal. Eco- friendly. Short of amazing. This is what I'd love to be. A beach babe.

Current Location: Reaching Dreamland

Current Mood: a little happy for I have achieved something, sad that I have failed someone

Current Music: It's Sunday, We're Alive- Tenderfist

p/s everyone ought to check out Tenderfist (they have a soundcloud!). They are amazing. God, I can't believe I missed two opportunities to hear them live.

we're strangers in an empty space

In my sixteen (almost) years of living and breathing, I had many musical phases in my life. There was the Teeny Pop- Bopper Phase.

I hearted Jesse McCartney and Aaron Carter. I was ten. I fought with primary school friend, Suraya over who had dibs over Jesse McCartney. He was blonde then, he was gorgeous. Definitely a beautiful soul that one. I also adored Hilary Duff (courtesy of her stint as Lizzie McGuire which catapulted her into Tween Queen Status) and then- redhead Lindsay Lohan. Britney Spears was still normal. Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boi was still playing on radio stations. I had that phase.

The following year (my Teeny Pop- Bopper Phase actually began at the end of the year), by February, I started watching TRL on MTV after school. I learned about Fall Out Boy (I know Dance Dance and Sugar, We're Going Down by heart), discovered Panic! At The Disco (they had the exclamation mark back then). I Write Sins Not Tragedies was on rotate, blaring through the speakers. Little did I know what 'whore' meant back then.

At the same time of my FOB/ P!ATD Phase, I started to watch One Tree Hill and Grey's Anatomy religiously. It was around Season 4. I had a Season 1-3 marathon courtesy of my eldest sister. I loved One Tree Hill. Jesse McCartney, what? It's all about Chad Michael Murray now and the music, God, the music! Explosions in the Sky, The Killers, Bethany Joy Lenz, most of the bands that made me who I am today, I discovered on OTH. If not OTH, it was Grey's. I hadn't understood remorse or yearning and all the sadness that revolves around GA yet. I thought the songs were just, pretty. Au Revoir Simone, Kate Havnevik, Anna Nalick, Brandi Carlile, I didn't know that they were inspiring and deep.

To top it off, at the same time, I also began watching Laguna Beach and the O.C. I had a new crush; Adam Brody. He was the kind of guy I thought I would wanna date when I'm sixteen. Little did I know how messed up he was. I wanted to be Marissa. The episode where she died, either it hadn't premiered yet or I haven't watched it yet. She was messed up. I discovered Matchbox Twenty. How Far We've Come was just something I could be singing everyday.

Around the same time, Shrek (which one, I couldn't remember) came out. I had a marathon. I discovered Frou Frou, Butterfly Boucher. Matchbox Twenty was part of the soundtrack. At age of eleven, I hearted soundtracks. Who would've thought that a fantasy cartoon movie pushed me deeper into Alternative Rock or basically, I'm in the Fuck, Mainstream. I'm Going Alternative Phase.

By the time I turned twelve, somehow, I began a strange infactuation with animes and mangas. Maybe it was because I started to watch Animax religiously. I loved Tsubasa Chronicles (anything by Clamp, really) and Gundam. Out of a sudden, I'm into Japanese music. I adored Kinya Kotani, Hajime Chitose, L'arc~en~Ciel and KAT-TUN. Japan dominated my life and Alternative? Well, I was still listening to it. Sometimes. 2007 was the year I called My Otaku Phase. I even started to buy manga regularly. Never mind that they were expensive.

Late 2007, TV series KAMI premièred. I watched it. I instantly fell in love with the soundtrack. Reza Salleh, Bittersweet, Meet Uncle Hussain; that was my jam. I was in my Local Scene Phase. It was a good phase. Why support foreigners when you can support locals? I also discovered Dance to the Radio and attempted to get their EP. I failed. Miserably. Downloaded their bootlegs a year later.

Mid 2008, I was thirteen. Somehow, I started listening to K-pop. It bands of the time were Big Bang (God, how I loved loved Lies, Last Farewell and Haru Haru), DBSK (they were still a unit of five then) and Wonder Girls. I wanted to be Yoobin of Wonder Girls after watching their So Hot clip. This sparked the Manic K-pop Phase in which I'm not proud of.

Late 2008, I was about to cancel my subscription with the MTV newsletter. We The Kings caught my eye. MTV was giving away free downloads and some of them were Iron & Wine (Boy With A Coin), All Time Low (Dear Maria, Count Me In), We The Kings (Check Yes Juliet) and Vampire Weekend (A- Punk). I never cancelled my subscription. I regretted naming my blog what it is now. I thought I was too cool to change it like all my peers that hopped domain to domain. I still regret it.

At the same time, I discovered Yuna. Her song was on some local drama on 8TV. I heard Rocket. I hearted Rocket. I hearted Yuna. I hearted the fact she wore the hijab. When I discovered Yuna on Myspace (Youtube videos were LQ and Myspace was still "cool"), I began to listen to Estrella, Lightcraft (I even bought their album!) and Hujan (they just released Pagi Yang Gelap). KAMI the Movie came out with an even better soundtrack. At age of thirteen, I had The Multiple & Clashing Music Preferences Phase but I assure you, I wasn't confused. Koreans, Americans and Malaysians; I can handle them all.

2009. I listened to K-pop and local music way excessively. I referred this as the Asian Phase. I hearted 2PM. I also discovered the other side of Korean music. Through the then- still- amazing- and- tearjerking Korean dramas and movies (Boy, was I in love with Son Ye Jin, Jung Woo Sung, Jeon Ji Hyun and Song Seung Hyun back then!), I learned how not every Korean song have to be a power ballad or pop. I discovered Clazziquai and Loveholic. Through their label, I discovered Epik High. I still listen to these three bands religiously.

Around 2010, things took a major change. Koreans became famous. I hated fame. I loved exclusivity. Besides, as of late 2009, I bought more NYLONs than I did before. I heard Mumford & Sons way before they were famous even in America. I watched (500) Days of Summer. I heard the Temper Trap and Feist. I read Perks of Being A Wallflower. I heard the Smiths. I became what I am today. Now, I realized this, I'm calling this My Part Hipster Phase.

The K-pop I knew crumbled anyway. Jay Park officially left 2PM. DBSK split up. Wonder Girls pretty much disappeared. The mass began to love all the cutesy stuff. SNSD was propelled to fame. Big Bang disappeared to Japan. New groups were debuting. Too much new groups. That phase is officially over. That phase represented something bigger. I fell out of love with K-pop. It represented the disintegration of my friendship with someone I regarded as a close friend.

2011. Nothing changed since then. I still am listening to Mumford and Sons and the Temper Trap. I still read Perks of Being a Wallflower from time to time. I still own and buy my NYLONs. I still loath K-pop. I quit Korean classes. I'm doubting if I ever want to pick it up again. I aced my last evaluation. I'm still figuring out my love/ hate relationship with Korea and said friend.

2011. I wonder if she ever thought of me. I wonder if she missed me. I wonder if she ever thought that if and only if we apologized, would things actually be the same like it was back then? I couldn't stand Koreans. I shut myself off when I see the Korean Wave thing. While the rest of the world is supporting the "wave", I am against it. I wonder if we made up, would I love it again?

Current Location: What- if Land
Current Mood: what if, what if, what if
Current Music: Ungu- Kekasih Gelapku

p/s I've wrote too much. I know. But who cares. And I miss Ungu. Peterpan. Sheila on 7. Fuck, this is getting all nostalgic. I feel like buying Keane's album. Random, I know.