Right now, I am practicing self inflicted pain. I am listening to Rap. Unlike my usual preferences of rap (aka Epik High and Lupe Fiasco), I'm listening to what I really and utmostly despise. Nicki Minaj. If you know me really well, you would know that I hate what Nicki Minaj preaches, her voice, her look, everything. Nicki Minaj. So, why am I putting myself in this awful position? Well, staying alone quietly with my deepest thoughts is really self destructing. Mentally, of course.
Some how, the usual cures; John Mayer, Paramore, Maroon 5, Khottal, Arcade Fire, Epik High, they don't seem to work. They're supposed to work. They're supposed to be my Placebo. They're supposed to psyche me to feel all happy again. To feel better. The combination of rain, sleep, sudoku and John Mayer never failed before. Albeit that, they used to be accompanied by ice- cream or chocolate or whatever but I doubt that's the failing point. John Mayer always work.
With the failure of everything dawning on me, I am left with the one thing I know would distract me from my thoughts; Rap. I am not emotionally bound to Lil Wayne and LMFAO as I am to Mumford and Sons and the Temper Trap. I am not in love with Chris Brown as I am with Ellie Goulding. I don't tie Pitbull to scenes of my life as I do to MGMT and Feist. I am not as hopelessly wishing I'm the girl John Mayer sang about than Akon. Rap is something I can't ruin. I can't hate it if something goes awry as I already hate it.
I'm not saying that I hate people who likes rap. I mean, my friends, my friends! loves Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne and LMFAO. Who the hell is Feist? But rap would eventually tire me. Annoy me. It would eventually expire its welcome. I would move back to Snow Patrol and Matt Costa. Besides, how long can I actually survive listening to some guy wishing he was up and in a hoe's throat? No more that 10 minutes, sorry. I'd take Big Time Rush's gay faces anytime over Nicki Minaj.
Current Location: next to Hitam, my love
Current Mood: doomed (or so say John Mayer in Slow Dancing In A Burning Room)
Current Music: Cold December- Matt Costa
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