Recognise the phrase 'I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me'? You have probably seen it around Tumblr, reblogged it because you felt angsty on a bad night without knowing who said it. David Levithan wrote that in Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I have never read Will Grayson, Will Grayson. The prospects of reading about two teenage boys in an "epic production of high school musical" seems very off- putting, gross but David Levithan, the same guy that wrote half of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (the other half was Rachel Cohn) and John Green (Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines) succeeds in capturing the angst in all of us.
Who in the world has never felt like killing themselves or killing everyone around them? Surely, committing suicide is easier than going on a homicide rampage but the latter is a better choice. Why should I die and lose out on all the great opportunities in life when I could just eliminate all these pests? Eliminate all these people who are always obstructing my pathway to happiness? Eliminate all the same people who's always causing me distress.
I have never been optimist, I am always the girl who found opportunities, look for opportunities but end up being on the losing end. How can I be an optimist when everything I want falls out of reach when it felt so near? Time and time again, I have to put up a strong front and tell myself, it's fine but how much is too much? What happens when the water gets too high?
Is the water too high now? Is that why I felt like holding a pillow over a girl and suffocate her? Is that why I hope people's car crashes?
Is the water too high?
Is this the part in the book where it seems like a happy ending is coming but the young protagonist ends up killing herself?
Is this the part where I drown? Where I don't wake up anymore. Or is this the part where I wake up with bloody hands, outside a house engulfed in fiery flames. Maybe this is what the teenage arsonists and murderers felt. Disappointment and pain without the sense of what's right and wrong. I empathise with them, I really do but my conscience tells me otherwise.
One more year, it tells me. One more year to wait until you can leave everything behind and start again. Start fresh. Be your own person, be a new person. One more year, it tells me.
One more year until a new beginning. Don't go killing anyone or yourself yet. Just one more year. Maybe the next time I wake up, the water will never get too high and I won't find myself in middle of the night sobbing away the misery.
Current Location: too close to today than tomorrow
Current mood: tired
Current music: What You Want- Bombay Bicycle Club
p/s So, um, A Different Kind of Fix is a great album for the depressed, oppressed and repressed
Who in the world has never felt like killing themselves or killing everyone around them? Surely, committing suicide is easier than going on a homicide rampage but the latter is a better choice. Why should I die and lose out on all the great opportunities in life when I could just eliminate all these pests? Eliminate all these people who are always obstructing my pathway to happiness? Eliminate all the same people who's always causing me distress.
I have never been optimist, I am always the girl who found opportunities, look for opportunities but end up being on the losing end. How can I be an optimist when everything I want falls out of reach when it felt so near? Time and time again, I have to put up a strong front and tell myself, it's fine but how much is too much? What happens when the water gets too high?
Is the water too high now? Is that why I felt like holding a pillow over a girl and suffocate her? Is that why I hope people's car crashes?
Is the water too high?
Is this the part in the book where it seems like a happy ending is coming but the young protagonist ends up killing herself?
Is this the part where I drown? Where I don't wake up anymore. Or is this the part where I wake up with bloody hands, outside a house engulfed in fiery flames. Maybe this is what the teenage arsonists and murderers felt. Disappointment and pain without the sense of what's right and wrong. I empathise with them, I really do but my conscience tells me otherwise.
One more year, it tells me. One more year to wait until you can leave everything behind and start again. Start fresh. Be your own person, be a new person. One more year, it tells me.
One more year until a new beginning. Don't go killing anyone or yourself yet. Just one more year. Maybe the next time I wake up, the water will never get too high and I won't find myself in middle of the night sobbing away the misery.
Current Location: too close to today than tomorrow
Current mood: tired
Current music: What You Want- Bombay Bicycle Club
p/s So, um, A Different Kind of Fix is a great album for the depressed, oppressed and repressed
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