the strange illusion that you keep

I have come to realization that I'm the one. Amidst all the so- called "change", I'm the one who changed. Not the environment, not the people and definitely not my class. I have changed a lot these past few months and thing is, I miss me. And I think people miss the me that I miss too.

I miss the girl that jumps at every little beautiful thing and shows it to everyone be it the shade of the sky, a moon at early morning or the buildings behind all the mist (or smoke?). I miss that girl. I miss the girl who does not blank in the middle of conversations or sits alone, staring into space. I wasn't that person before. I was the jovial one, the restless one. What happened in between all the disappointments and heartbreaks? What happened as time passes by? I'm supposed to know the reason why I'm so depressed and irritable. Why I'm so blank and boring. Why I'm so content with being left all alone by myself.

Is this where Paramore sings I sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness?

When did I start giving up? I want to be the person I was before. The let's go! girl. The one that fucking jumps. No hesitation, no fear. The one that made everyone laugh. Not the one that intimidates people and definitely not the stoned girl at the back of the classroom. What happened?

Honestly, I just don't know anymore. I cry at everything. Even the lamest, cheesiest stories on TV and I just don't laugh anymore. Everything falls short to amuse me. What happened to smiling so big, my eyes go sepet and my teeth overwhelms my face? Laughing so hard, I couldn't breath. Feeling something so amazing, I couldn't speak. That's just history.

Now can someone take me out for a Subway, then get some of The Last Polka's Nutella or Teh Tarik ice cream before heading to an outdoor movie fest. After that, we'll go catch Tenderfist on some rooftop a la Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist ending scene without missing the show. Instead, it's past midnight, there's gamajillion (haven't used this happyhappy word in a while) stars visible to the naked eye and Tenderfist plays the hidden track in It's Sunday, We're Alive". Night turns to day, it's 5 a.m., They Will Kill Us All shows up out of nowhere, the opening riffs of Under The Red Sky was heard loud and clear and the sun- the beautiful, glorious sun was rising. And maybe if I was like 25 at that time, propose (provided that you're the guy I'm hopelessly and madly in love with).

And maybe one day, I'll have a song as cute and adorable like Nick and Norah's theme at (0:20). Beautiful. Yes, I'm obsessed and a big dreamer. Why can't I be?


And THIS!

Current Location: At Maida Vale, serenaded by SBTRKT's Trials of the Past
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: How Deep Is Your Love- The Rapture (so, SBTRKT left the stage and The Rapture comes out of nowhere. Literally)

p/s Ok so, I kind of want to have a Nick & Norah NYC Night Out but that's a little macam haram so, I'll have my adapted version, thank you.