i can't tell you what it's going to be

It's been ages since I actually looked at my blog but here I am, 27 days before 2018 trying to maintain my AT LEAST one post a year on this blog.

Last I posted, I wasn't happy. Unfulfilled. Unfortunately, my unhappiness were diagnosed and had dire consequences to my overall being which unraveled itself over the course of that summer. That autumn I went back to Cardiff, I was determined to make some serious changes. I am, after all, the architect of my own happiness (major creds to Mustafa back in Marrakech for the highly inspiring, much need pep talk). Changes were slow but it came and progressed. Between September 2016 to May 2017, I was still adjusting. To the realities I was about to face, the truths I had to tell, the lies I told myself to hold myself up together. Maintaining the perfect facade I had built over the reality of my being.

Fast forward to December 2017.

I told my truths to the appropriate people albeit in a more roundabout way than it should have been and not the whole truth but the truth they wanted to hear. It's liberating to relieve the burden of keeping a secret. (I'm also being intensely vague as to what are these truths I am speaking of because A. I have no idea who's reading this B. I'd like to keep a semblance of privacy here). I'm happier, I reckon.

I laugh more. I'm doing something I enjoy. I don't have the same anxieties that I have two years ago. Everything's looking quite bright right now but I know it probably won't last. I'm not a pessimist, I promise but a realist. The people I have bonded with are leaving Cardiff in 2018 for industrial placements or graduating, so I'm back to square one aka 2016/2017. I don't know what I'd do in 2018/2019 but...

I'll be older and hopefully wiser, yes?

So I'll probably be... okay.

Then, what is this blogpost for?

To be honest, I don't know. A big part of me genuinely wanted to say 'Hey guys, life update: I'm happy now' but the realist in me has succeeded in persuading me to write 'Hey guys, life update, I'm happy now but not for long probably'. I don't what's in it for me in the future... What I do know is that I have to seize all the goddamned opportunities right in front of me right and not waste any minute. I'm getting older, more jaded, more sceptical of the world. I cannot lose the enthusiasm I have for the now at 22.

Pray that Toronto will be fantastic, a change from small hum-drum Cardiff but that's where I will be for the winter term. Such a waste to be spending my time there when life is so good here after two year worth of inner struggle. I must really secretly hate seeing myself happy.

Current location: a Phoenix gig

Current mood: sleepy

Current music: Phoenix - Ti Amo

p/s don't bloody tell me to calm down. my issues are relevant even if it's not to you.

Does anyone actually read what I write here anymore?

I first started this blog in 2008. I was thirteen and all I wanted to write about was k-pop bands and animes. My friends used to read what I wrote, we had similar interests, they had blogs as well and blogs were a thing. People used to write one sentence long Facebook statuses. The blogs was where you'd read about everything. Reviews, recipes, tutorials, rants, everything. Vlogs were a thing but they were not as HD as they are now, voice- overs were usually crap and buffering was a thing no one could be bothered to confront. YAS, buffering every two seconds was a thing. An unpleasant thing of the past that hopefully no one has to face ever.

When I was seventeen, I went through a period of angst and like most angsty teenagers in 2012, I vent on my blog, made a tumblr and reblogged some depressing af shit there. It took me a while to break out from my shell of angst, about a year. During that time, I called my teen angst ~depression~ because tumblr made being depressed pretty. Staring into the sunset kind of depression. I wasn't depressed. I was an angsty, immature little girl who thought that the world was against her and the only way out was to shut people out and escape.

About a year- ish later, I "found" myself because I had the chance to reinvent myself. I was happier with my new and improved self. No, scratch that. I wasn't happier, I was HAPPY. Content. satisfied. I have everything I wanted. I had a damn good life. I peaked, sort of, even if reaching to the peak was hurtful as hell but I peaked like I peaked when I was sixteen. Happy and thriving.

I left home at twenty, to another country. I thought I had it all.

I don't. I am as unhappy as unhappy can be. This time, it is real. It is not angst. It is bigger than angst. It is the realisation that I am unsatisfied with my state of loneliness.

In November, way back when in 2011, I wrote this;

'Perhaps, I've only realized this now but I don't really have a friend who truly enjoys the same things as I do. Last time I checked, most of them were guys or I have fallen out of love with the things I used to revel at. That or I have fallen out of touch with those who used to be the greatest of companions. Now, I'm just alone. 

It's not that I don't have friends, I just don't have my Pash yet. Oh dear God, please bless me with a Pash. The Bliss Cavendar in me is dying to have a Pash. An Oliver would be certain to spice things up too. But a Pash would do. An amazing friend like Pash would do. 

Now, who's Pash, you may wonder? Well, excuse my Whip It reference.'

Today, I am twenty turning twenty- one.

I moved to a place where I don't have a Pash. At sixteen, I was optimistic (see the use of yet). At twenty, I should be more mature, more confident and more aware of what I want, what I need. I am flailing, on the verge of drowning.

For the past nine months, I have been treading on water and now on my final month before I return home for summer, I am on the verge of drowning.

I have never felt more alone than I am right now.

Am I a sad milennial? But I haven't graduated, I haven't worked a single minute in my life and I am living extremely comfortably thanks to my amazing baby boomer parents.

I am sad because I don't know what I want in my life. Everything that I said I wanted a year ago, I attained it. I wanted to be here. I wanted to do what I am currently doing. But what happens when you run out of goals that define you? What if the goals that used to motivate you gets clouded by unhappiness? Then, how do you get rid of the dark cloud looming over your existence?

Unfortunately, this is not a blog of solutions. If I had a solution, I would have written a post called "How I Destroyed My Cloud of Unhappiness" but here I am, burdened with questions that only I can answer yet I am incapacitated to.

So, those are my problems. Problems I don't know how to solve. Problems I am too proud to seek help for. Because I shall not let myself be perceived as weak.

No one reads this anyway.

Goodbye and goodnight.

Current location: caerdydd
Current mood: moody af
Current music: Asgeir- King and Cross

if I could remain in one moment in life, I would choose to permanently be on the road in Iceland infinitely.

because i'm missing more than just your body

It's 7.34 pm in Cardiff. Back home, it's 3.34 am.

People would say it's homesickness.
The constant counting of the time back home.
Liking Justin Bieber's songs because the only time I hear them is when I'm driving around town with my friends.
The lack of my face in my Instagram posts because I don't feel like posting them without my friends.

Some people have it come quickly and it passes but unfortunately, not me.

It creeps up on me.

The Taff River reminds me of my last few days spent in Malaysia, driving two hours to a waterfall. Coming late and had to settle for the creek. Coming early, spent two hours lost climbing the wrong hill to nowhere in midday. The splash of the waterfall as it hits the rocks. The cool of the water. Naturally, the place itself was beautiful but the experience made it much more beautiful.

The songs on Spotify that I don't usually listen to but I do because... they were on the radio all the time back when I was in Malaysia.

The rare nights I spend in cars in Cardiff reminds me of driving home with my friends from ridiculous outings that began with

Where do you wanna go?
I don't know, you decide?
No, you decide!
Oh god, kita dah nak dekat traffic light kot, turn right ke go left ke go straight ke omg nak gi mana?
*goes right*
You nak gi mana?
I don't know, I panicked!

The longer I stay, the worse it becomes. Why did I decide to make my last weeks back home the best weeks of my life? Things would have been better for me here had I ruined the memories of home...

But how would you know that it would hit you the hardest when you were listening to Nico and Vinz's Am I Wrong? 

Six months and a couple of odd weeks before I get to go home. Hot, humid, sunny, densely populated home.

Little did I know that I would miss the traffic. Lights, sure. Traffic, really?

Current Location: 3 x 7 square metre room

Current Mood: tired

Current Music: Rudimental ft Emeli Sande- Free

i'd rather be alone

Intellectual, my ass hahaha. When I mentioned on my previous that I would be writing more because I have more thoughts now that I'm twenty, I must have forgotten that I also have a final exam looming. Note to self, 4th May 2015 is not really too far from here. However, this wild appearance of  second post do men that the occurrence of a blogpost has increased from once a year to more than that, heh. Anyway, what is it that is so important (or not important at all. Seeing as to how much I ramble here, this is probably of little importance) that it deserves more space than a Facebook post. Yea yea yea, I post stuff on Facebook now, whatever. That aside, the one thing that has been bugging me is solitude. Of course, it has bugged me in the sense of I just need to talk on and on and on about it (or type... in this case).

sol·i·tude

ˈsäləˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

1. the state or situation of being alone.

   "she savored her few hours of freedom and solitude"

   synonyms:

   loneliness, solitariness, isolation, seclusion, sequestration, withdrawal,privacy, peace "she savored her solitude"

  .

It's interesting to see how easily the example is  she and not a he. Just interesting... I have no comments on that whatsoever. Are girls more lonely than boys? I don't know. Seriously, I don't.

Anyway, what's up with solitude, right? Well, the hizzle on the shizzle is... solitude is freaking awesome. Like, I totally savor solitude. You know, like the example. The state of being alone is amazing but it is pretty awkward (for me, at least) when I'm alone but I'm surrounded with people I know. Situations like that will inevitably lead me to wonder if people think I'm such a loser for being alone (honestly, I love being alone). Looking back, I can understand where this stems. It came from the countless "Sorang je?" I had throughout my life. Like a girl can't be alone for no reason at all?! Also, I don't think that this is a gender- associated problem but I can't really speak on behalf of the guys since I hardly know what they feel/ think.

Reasons why I love being alone:

1. I get to do whatever I want, however I want, whenever I want. 

Case in point: Let's say I go to a festival alone, I get to see all the shows I want without considering what my companions what to do, eat whatever the hell I want (some people don't like sushi...) and come, I get to take photos of whatever whenever whereever and go whenever I want (sometimes I want to be super early, sometimes I just don't want to rush). The cons, however, are pretty taxing on a bubbly soul like me (meh, bubbly ke?!). I get bored really quickly which will turn me into a really clingy texter, I don't get to have my photos taken (okaylah, this is because I'm too shy to ask people) and sometimes life is too dangerous for a young girl to be alone.

2. I don't have to be considerate

Not that I am selfish but it is nice to not have to think of others (I swear these points are/ will be redundant, dammit). My car, my playlist, my volume. This probably stems from the fact that my playlist is the most unfriendly playlist in the whole wide world. To find a musical soulmate is like finding hay in a needle stack (please excuse my Saw reference) but on the other hand, once there is a person that loves the same things as you do (music, film, books, leisure activities), the feeling's amazing because you don't have to be considerate  but it's because what you want is what the other person wants too.

3. The indescribable feeling of solitude

My favourite kind of solitude is the solitude that enables you to play music from the speakers. For me, a perfect night is the kind of rainy night (that isn't humid, oh my god, I swear all rainy nights in this country are humid) that forces you to pull on a sweater and you dim the lights, plays music from the speakers and read. Or watch a movie that makes you cry like Marley and Me kind of tears, not Nicholas Sparks tears (which I almost never get, like what is so sad?!).

Or the kind of solitude you experience when you see streetlights at night.

So, solitude. Sometimes, I associate solitude with music as in some music I just can't listen when there's people around. Most probably because my lips will curve into a strange, satisfactory smile that makes no sense to people around me (they'll probably think I'm crazy).

Anyway, here's my solitude playlist. Cheers!

Current Location: "college"

Current Mood: hungry?!?!?
Current Music: The Venopian Solitude- Khilaf Ratna

youth is wasted on the young

Assalamualaikum and hello, people in the cyberspace! How have you people been? Hahahaha, who am I asking... Anyway, it seems like the trend of me updating this dusty old blog (sweeps dust away and coos "Oooh you seven- year old baby") is annually? Which is terrible! Terrible indeed but hey, at least I get to see the yearly progress of my IB life.

Let's see. Semester one. I was just starting life outside home which I thought was going to be really cool (?!) ended up being pretty much... non- realistic. I mean, I went home every week, for God's sake! Who am I kidding. I didn't really experience actual college life or anything huh? Which means I was never homesick and... and nothing. One brand new experience I had was a "roadtrip" (sort of, I mean we took a plane to Kuala Terengganu but we drove once we were there...) with people who weren't my family and that was fun. I mean, I have never even set foot there and being able to visit there with people of my age who actually knew the place was fun!

Semester two and it began rather smoothly, actually very smoothly eventhough there was a bump along the way i.e. Selangor's terrible water crisis which made me have a three- week holiday off from college (where I spent those holidays going out, having fun and not study), I had chickenpox for the first time ever (duh... you only get it once in a lifetime, am I right? Also, it sort of extended my water crisis break into four weeks hehe). I also experienced a lot of what the college seniors dubbed as stressful IB/ KMB experiences i.e. endless weekly quizzes, killer Maths HL topics and I sort of overcome those days with a lot of crazy moments with my classmates and the canteen's nasi lemak (I think I ate those nasi lemak once a week and they weren't even thaaaaaaat good, you know comparatively to the one back home...) but hey, I survived!

Semester three happened and it was okay (pretty shitty but overall okay), I guess? Or was it terrible? I mean, judging by my exam results, it must have been okay but emotionally, God, it was fucked up. I procrastinated 99% of the time, got into a cold war (the silent treatment type) with a friend, made friends lost friends (this was the highlight of the emotional rollercoaster that is semester three, thank you, you fucking asshole) but there were a lot of fun moments too. I went to this push- your- boundaries camp called... well, it's called Pushing Boundaries and I never thought that 99% of my whole miserable college life after that always end up with the words "I wish I could return to PB again". That was how fun it was and that was how miserable college was (and still is). I also did some do- good efforts in Cambodia and that was fun though it was more holiday than volunteering, somehow. Then, everything went downhill from there but I won't dwell on that. What is the use of crying over spilt milk, anyway?

Right now, I'm living in semester four, the final semester of this grueling IB programme. Two months in and two months away from the final examinations. what scares me the most though, is not the final written exams. Not to brag, but I'm good in exams. I'm your typical overachieving Malaysian kid. I have been trained to ace exams and exams only and that's what's freaking me out. I haven't been trained to complete assignments on time. I haven't been trained to think critically for a 1, 500 words essay on what seems to be a very philosophical topic. Simply said, I am not cut out for 50% of the IB requirements. I finished my EE on what seem to be a very rushed timeline which meant it probably is going to suck and so is my TOK essay and the rest of my IAs because I have been procrastinating to no end (I'm supposed to do my IAs right now but hey, I'm blogging... after a year plus... and I chose today. Right. What the hell is wrong with me?!).

So here I am. Random work that don't matter for my final grade, done! Important urgent work, not done. I wish I could wake myself up and knock some sense into myself. Good God, pray for me people, pray! 

I suppose that is my rant for today. I just wanted to blog, somehow after my friend, Izyan asked me how come I don't blog anymore. So here I am. For no reason. Only to sum up my IB life. Also, I'm turning twenty this year, who would've thought I would make it this far, right? I mean, the next GE, I could vote already. I am mature already. Mehh, where got one. Still very childlike and holding my mum's hands wherever I go. Actually, I just remembered what I wanted to write about. 

I sort of spent a few hours or so yesterday reading my whole blog from A to Z and deleting most of the embarrassing blogposts I had and I wanted to reflect on that (Goddammit IB, now you're making me do a reflection on my blog too?!). I wanted to write on how much I have changed (a lot, actually, I'm rather surprised) and how some things I wrote back then were too idealistic, influenced by romanticism but there were a lot of aspects that remained true too like 

1. my dream night (the Nick and Norah post and I was reminded of it after a short conversation with a friend that included me saying a lot of "You have to watch it" "best movie ever" "freaking romantic".)

2. my list of things to do if I had 40 million (this was 100% idealistic and fucking romantic and would you believe it or not, the boy whom I made this list with are no longer in speaking terms with me?)

3. the funny moments I had in school (oh how I miss secondary school)

4. my sad, depressing posts on things like being unable to drive (I can now drive where the hell ever I want), having no similar- interest friend (I finally sort of have one and I realized that sometimes, being on your own is actually relaxing), wanting to murder everyone (I still harbour these emotions), my endless existential crises (I had these since I was 17, can you believe it?! And I still do have sleepless nights muddling about existentialism up until today...)

5. my social criticisms... which were very subtle (haha) and superficial

6. my amazingly awesome good taste in music (and film and books). READ MY BLOG AND WEEP PEOPLE. I was cool even before you people were cool, damn right.

That's it peeps, that's it. Goodbye and goodnight. 

Current Location: on my very pink bedsheets

Current Mood: in an existential crisis, methinks
Current Music: Akta Angkasa- Kognitif 2

p/s I think I'll be writing more often as I suddenly had a lot of pent- up thoughts in my mind (intellectual thoughts that is, now that I am almost twenty)

beginners

Assalamualaikum folks! I'm back! Yeah yeah, I've been MIA for a while and peeps (shoots laser beams at Syaza and Jo) have been bugging me to update my blog which is weird because I update you guys on everything! Why (WHY) do you need to read it off here  why would you ehmergerdz. Okay, so a post a year is sufficient right? No? No... Okay, so I apologize. Honestly, it wasn't my fault. Life has been pretty busy and exciting lately that I don't have time to blog. Well, it's a new year now (Hey 2014 whaddup) and boy was 2013 full of ups and downs (more ups, alhamdulillah) and I'm glad it happened. I'm also glad it ended because dang it, 2013 was one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

That aside, last time I blogged, it was the beginning of my semester one in college and now I'm entering semester two (cue wuwiwuwuwu). I'm nervous as hell for semester two because it kinda feels like a make it or break it year (this includes semester three, of course). Probably because my university application depends a lot on these two semesters which means I'm going to have to amplify my efforts. Like a lot. No more fooling around (hah yea I doubt I'm going to stop enjoying life 100% but my life has got to simmer down) and more serious game face on. I have a year and a half left before this IB programme ends and (insyaAllah) pursue my studies abroad. Only a year and a half. Shit. It felt like only yesterday I was in Form Four basking in my first Add Maths test glory. I'll be turning 19 this year and that is only a year away from 20. I could get married if I wanted to (out of topic okay got it). Naturally, every year the same phrase gets uttered "How time flies." Yeah, I feel you, bro. How time flies. More resolutions to not be fullfilled, aye guys?

So, hmm, whaddup with me and my life right? So, so far 2014 has been amazing. Funny how I was such a miserable person back in 2012/2013 but college life changes a person so much that I feel a lot better about myself now. Which is incredible news! I have never felt happier or more fulfilled than I am now. Change is good. Even so, 2014 is bound to be a busy year. I could hear deadlines screaming my name already. EE (Extended Essay)! Maths Exploration! Yearbook! Art portfolio! Cambodia Fundraiser! IA (Internal Assessments)! Real Life Project! TOK Essay/ Presentation! Exams! IELTS! and whatnot. Oh wells, when else am I going to be busy, right?

Current Location: kittyland
Current Mood: hungry for desssssert (one thing my college lacks is dessert!)
Current Music: Down The Burning Ropes- James Vincent McMorrow

everything, it must belong somewhere

Hi, folks! It has been a year since I last wrote anything on Blogger and a lot has changed since then. Alhamdulillah, I have passed my SPM with good results and manage to secure myself a place in a prep college not too far from home (about 45 minutes away from Subang Jaya). I am currently doing the International Baccalaureate which is supposedly challenging both mentally and physically. As for me, I am not known to shy away from challenges. In fact, I look forward to face this great barrier between me and my dream to study architecture in a prestigious university abroad. Insya- Allah, I will succeed in furthering my studies abroad. Hopefully, Bath University or Architectural Association School of Architecture.

It has been a week since I first registered here on a quite hazy day and so far, Kolej Mara Banting (KMB) has been kind to me. Unlike the horror stories I've heard from my friends about their own orientation programmes and seniors at their respective colleges, KMB has been amazing. Orientation was amazingly exciting eventhough my orientation group had quite a rough, losing streak, we managed to have a lot of fun (for me, at least) and managed to come out both alive and came second in one of the challenges. The seniors have been very helpful and extremely, extremely nice. Some of the traditions here are something rather new to me like, reading the prayer before every class and salam with the teachers after the subject finishes. Being from a daily school, I am quite an exotic creature here (like, Seafield what? SMK Sifir, what what?) as most of them come from boarding schools.

Honestly, I am glad I am here. Eventhough I am in a college that is prepping students to go to western countries, the culture here is very homebound as if their goal is so that the students who leave here are deeply rooted in the Malaysian and Islamic ways meanwhile other prep programmes try to integrate the foreign lifestyle within the students. Surprisingly, I barely feel homesick. Maybe it is due to the fact that despite it's a lot different than home, I have a lot of friends who are so great to be around with that I forgot about home. It's true what they say, home is where your heart is. Sometimes I do feel a small pang in my heart like just now when we had our tarawikh prayers because I have never celebrated Ramadhan elsewhere than with my family. What is great here though, the spirit (I prefer the Malay word, semangat) here is amazing. the amiin and the reciting of the prayer from the masses are loud and high- spirited. Everyone also seems very cheery and happy- go- lucky. I have two more years and insya- Allah, the environment will remain the same and when the next year rolls in, I too will be as great to the next batch as my seniors were to me. 

Anyways, I am dead tired after a week of four hour sleeps and non- stop activities and so, I shall retreat to the comfort of my bed (not in my home though). Happy Ramadhan, guys and hopefully, we'll put this month to good use and fill it with ibadah.

Current Location: surrounded by palm trees (no, not California, guys!)
Current Mood: blessed
Current Music: Another Volunteer- Oh Minnows 

i want a quiet kind of love (because i'm a quiet kind of lover)

In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

The Quiet World- Jeffrey McDaniel

Current Location: somewhere you probably don't need to know
Current Mood: eternally depressed
Current Music: Perth- Bon Iver

p/s I have no idea how I went from perfectly blissful (Sigur Rós is coming to Malaysia for Urbanscapes!) to depressed.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Truth be told, I am afraid of the outcome that is The Perks of Being a Wallflower the movie. Maybe I wouldn't be as fearful had I not read it earlier. I read the book years ago. I was fourteen. I had developed such a kinship with the book that I can't explain. It's my book.

Pre- trailer, I hated the sound of it. Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Ezra Miller, Paul Rudd, Nina Dobrev, Johnny Simmons, Mae Whitman and Kate Walsh in one movie? I mean, they are all great actors and I do like them (maybe not so on Kate Walsh and Mae Whitman) but them(all of them?!) in TPOBAW? I see it a little differently at first.

(a) I thought Ezra Miller was Charlie at first  because he was ever so haunting in We Need to Talk About Kevin (I also imagined Charlie to be stick- thin as was the case of the clinically different characters). Ezra Miller was insane as Kevin in the said film but then again maybe too creepy looking. He would be a great Marcus in Suckerpunch (not the 2011 film but the 2008 book) though.

(b) Kate Walsh, mum, ew.

(c) Mae Whitman, in my head, for sure she'll be cast as Mary Elizabeth. That I know with her dark look in Scott Pilgrim and Parenthood. But I imagine Mary Elizabeth more different. Thinner, scarier, maybe Rooney Mara + Kristen Stewart- ish.

(d) Emma Watson was an okay choice but her English accent puts me off. I did however imagine that Sam has a pixie cut just like Emma Watson eventhough in the book she had long hair.

(e) Paul Rudd, too funny to make TPOBAW. I don't know why but I had Aaron Eckhart in mind as Bill and especially, when Logan Lerman was cast as Charlie, I immediately thought of Eckhart. Maybe because of his previous movie with Logan Lerman (Meet Bill, 2007) in which they both were great in!

(f) Nina Dobrev, I kind of had her face in my mind as Charlie's sister when it is said that a movie is being made based on the book. So, yay!

(g) I thought Johnny Simmons was going to be Patrick. He can be gay without looking gay. But him hooking up with a hot football hunk is ew, weird. Johnny Simmons as the hot football hunk? What?!

(h) Logan Lerman is simply not weird enough or psychologically troubled enough. I mean, he could be but not in the Charlie- esque sense.

However, post- trailer (and the re- reading of the book), my views changed a little and after seeing Ezra Miller all tanned last night at the MTV Awards, my views on Ezra Miller changed a lot.

(a) Ezra Miller is too tall, too hot, too charismatic and also too old to be Charlie but he seems cool enough to be Patrick. Just weirded out by the 'be aggressive! Passive, aggressive!' . Patrick's not that gay. He's more of a normal, cool, kind- of hipster guy who just happens to like men in a sexual way.

(b) Emma Watson's American accent is just fine. But ugh, I also imagined Sam to be a little Alaska Young- ish (from Looking for Alaska- a book by John Green) without the moodiness. But Emma Watson looks too popular crowd- ish to be Sam. Ugh, dilemmmmaaaaas!

(c) My views on Paul Rudd did not change.

(d) Johnny Simmons can't be Patrick or Brad. At all. He could be Bob. But Bob's much older.

(e) Logan Lerman is just fine too. I mean, Charlie's not retarded or psycho. He's just a kid. But maybe they could cast a younger looking actor but never mind.

(f) Mae Whitman and Logan Lerman dating? Um, no. No matter how much Mae Whitman embodies Mary Elizabeth, the look of them together is weird eventhough their relationship is supposed to be awkward- looking but this is just different. The angle of awkwardness is different than what I imagined.

(g) No Kate Walsh, please.

(h) The pallette and the ambience better feels like it is the 90's because if it turned up looking very modern, I'd be very very disappointed.

(i) The songs in the movie better be fucking amazing because I sure as hell be disappointed of the soundtrack sucks. Fortunately, an individual named Alexandra Patsavas is involved with the music direction. I don't know who she is but she was involved in several shows/ films that has great music in it i.e. Twilight Saga, Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy. So far, the song in the trailer, thumbs up! Imagine Dragons ftw!

(j) We were infinite. And in that moment, I felt that we were infinite. Since the movie is more of a narration (I hope it is since the book is), shouldn't it remain its nature? I mean, he is reliving each moment by writing an anonymous letter, right?

(k) Bill was the one who said "We accept the love we think we deserve" but then again, some lines probably are manipulated to fit the film.

(l) If I were to watch this movie, I have to watch it alone because to watch TPOBAW with the company of others is like reading a book when someone is staring at you. Reading is personal. This book is personal to me. The movie is personal to me.

(m) I think I will cry watching this movie. Especially if the soundtrack is mindblowing.

(n) Hope this movie actually do hit local theatres unlike Scott Pilgrim and Whip It (both didn't end up premiering here) or (500) Days of Summer (two weeks run at Sunway Pyramid and a few other theatres in Malaysia)

(o) I'm too obsessed with the book. Then again, I have read it so many times that I remember it by heart.

But no matter how much I whine and complain, Stephen Chbosky is overlooking the production of the film and the producers of Juno is producing this film and with the Patsavas person (or whoever) and the movie is already completed anyway, they know what they're doing. They are great people. I just hope that the film turns out great too. I just hope that there aren't too many people bimbos who pretends to like the movie later on when they don't even understood it.

Current Location: Tree Hill, One. Tree. Hill! Woo!

Current Mood: perfectly fine

Current Music: Naive- The Kooks

p/s if there's a guy named Ezra who's cute and around my area and age range, please say hi to me. I'm happy to fall head over heels over you :)

smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?

There's this thing with girls where they want to be a cat, a ninja, a mermaid or a unicorn. Did I miss anything? Or maybe they want to be some cool Mexican guy who has a moustache and eat tacos all day called Pedro. But they have this thing in which they want to be something but them. Guys don't have this. I mean, they do, but they want to be a person. They don't want to be an animal or a mythical character. Guys want to be footballers, rockstars or rappers. They want to be human. They rather be imperfect humans than be something else.

I get it though, why girls want to be everything but human. For instance, I wish I was a cat. You may assume that it is because I adore cats. I do adore them, but that's hardly the reason.

Have you ever seen a cat that's not beautiful?

Cats come in different colours, shape, breed, fur and whatever they are, they're beautiful. They are these furry wonders (or furless, in the case of the Sphinx). Being a girl is hard. Not everyone is physically attractive. Only those long- legged girl with nice hair and clear face are but cats? They are ALL attractive in every aspect. Fat cats are cute. Long and lean cats are just gorgeous. Short haired, long haired, who cares? White fur, brown fur. Almond eyes, round eyes, no eyes. Ever heard anyone say, "Gosh, I just hate those kind of cats?"? The only hatred you ever hear is how creepy cats look at people or how their eyes shine in the night which could both be beautiful or scary.

Girls, on the other hand, get judged and they judge. Oh my God, you're so tan! Did you put on weight? Your haircut, um, looks weird. What's wrong with your skin? Why are you so thin? Your hair is so frizzy! You have short legs. Your eyebrows are waaay to near to each other. Is that a unibrow?! Your arms are hairy. Everyone has their flaws but cats? Even if they have three eyes but one eye is dead, they're still beautiful as ever. Imagine if a girl has that.

Cats are also confident. Look at the way they strut. Head up, chest forward, legs straight, tail swaying wildly. Look at how they look at you. Look at how they strut in front of a dog on a leash. Cocky but confident, nevertheless. They crouch low on the ground eyeing the squirrel and then pounce on it, no hesitation. They almost never do get it but no one tells them to try harder. No one criticizes they way they pounce or their timing. No one tries to send them obedience class after they hauled in mice and cockroaches and birds into the house. Their catch of the day semi- alive, of course.

They simply don't get judged. They can groom themselves all day long and no one calls them vain. No one calls them overdressed, over made- up. No one looks at a cat and criticizes the cat. And cats get what they want, what everyone else want to. To laze in the sun. To sleep all day. To eat with no worry. To run free. To look their worst and embrace it. To fight for what they want. To demand for what they want. To chase what they want without being ridiculed.

Cats are carefree and beautiful. Isn't that just what each and every girl want to be?

Cats have no sin. They are pure no matter how much they bite and scratch you. No matter how much they agitate and worry you.

Cats were worshipped as deities in Ancient Egypt. Abu Hurairah was named Father of Cats (Abu Hurairah literally means Father of Cats, actually) because he loved cats and cared for stray cats. Chinese and Japanese folks believe that cats bring good luck. That's why you see cute statues of cats in their shops all the time. And if you s much as hurt a cat intentionally, it is a sin. Imagine if one starve and torture one.

Nuff said, I want to be one of our feline friend as they are no other creature more noble and beautiful than the cat.

Current Location: Land of Cats (now that my cats absolutely adore sleeping around me, pushing my head off the pillows and hogging one whole double bed)

Current Mood: happy

Current Music: Change of Season- Sweet Thing (opening and closing song of Easy A. Have you watched it? No? GO!!)

p/s thumbs up of you get the title. Friends ftw.

the strange illusion that you keep

I have come to realization that I'm the one. Amidst all the so- called "change", I'm the one who changed. Not the environment, not the people and definitely not my class. I have changed a lot these past few months and thing is, I miss me. And I think people miss the me that I miss too.

I miss the girl that jumps at every little beautiful thing and shows it to everyone be it the shade of the sky, a moon at early morning or the buildings behind all the mist (or smoke?). I miss that girl. I miss the girl who does not blank in the middle of conversations or sits alone, staring into space. I wasn't that person before. I was the jovial one, the restless one. What happened in between all the disappointments and heartbreaks? What happened as time passes by? I'm supposed to know the reason why I'm so depressed and irritable. Why I'm so blank and boring. Why I'm so content with being left all alone by myself.

Is this where Paramore sings I sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness?

When did I start giving up? I want to be the person I was before. The let's go! girl. The one that fucking jumps. No hesitation, no fear. The one that made everyone laugh. Not the one that intimidates people and definitely not the stoned girl at the back of the classroom. What happened?

Honestly, I just don't know anymore. I cry at everything. Even the lamest, cheesiest stories on TV and I just don't laugh anymore. Everything falls short to amuse me. What happened to smiling so big, my eyes go sepet and my teeth overwhelms my face? Laughing so hard, I couldn't breath. Feeling something so amazing, I couldn't speak. That's just history.

Now can someone take me out for a Subway, then get some of The Last Polka's Nutella or Teh Tarik ice cream before heading to an outdoor movie fest. After that, we'll go catch Tenderfist on some rooftop a la Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist ending scene without missing the show. Instead, it's past midnight, there's gamajillion (haven't used this happyhappy word in a while) stars visible to the naked eye and Tenderfist plays the hidden track in It's Sunday, We're Alive". Night turns to day, it's 5 a.m., They Will Kill Us All shows up out of nowhere, the opening riffs of Under The Red Sky was heard loud and clear and the sun- the beautiful, glorious sun was rising. And maybe if I was like 25 at that time, propose (provided that you're the guy I'm hopelessly and madly in love with).

And maybe one day, I'll have a song as cute and adorable like Nick and Norah's theme at (0:20). Beautiful. Yes, I'm obsessed and a big dreamer. Why can't I be?


And THIS!

Current Location: At Maida Vale, serenaded by SBTRKT's Trials of the Past
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: How Deep Is Your Love- The Rapture (so, SBTRKT left the stage and The Rapture comes out of nowhere. Literally)

p/s Ok so, I kind of want to have a Nick & Norah NYC Night Out but that's a little macam haram so, I'll have my adapted version, thank you.

can I have your wayward stare?

Recognise the phrase 'I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me'? You have probably seen it around Tumblr, reblogged it because you felt angsty on a bad night without knowing who said it. David Levithan wrote that in Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I have never read Will Grayson, Will Grayson. The prospects of reading about two teenage boys in an "epic production of high school musical" seems very off- putting, gross but David Levithan, the same guy that wrote half of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (the other half was Rachel Cohn) and John Green (Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines) succeeds in capturing the angst in all of us.

Who in the world has never felt like killing themselves or killing everyone around them? Surely, committing suicide is easier than going on a homicide rampage but the latter is a better choice. Why should I die and lose out on all the great opportunities in life when I could just eliminate all these pests? Eliminate all these people who are always obstructing my pathway to happiness? Eliminate all the same people who's always causing me distress.

I have never been optimist, I am always the girl who found opportunities, look for opportunities but end up being on the losing end. How can I be an optimist when everything I want falls out of reach when it felt so near? Time and time again, I have to put up a strong front and tell myself, it's fine but how much is too much? What happens when the water gets too high?

Is the water too high now? Is that why I felt like holding a pillow over a girl and suffocate her? Is that why I hope people's car crashes?

Is the water too high?

Is this the part in the book where it seems like a happy ending is coming but the young protagonist ends up killing herself?

Is this the part where I drown? Where I don't wake up anymore. Or is this the part where I wake up with bloody hands, outside a house engulfed in fiery flames. Maybe this is what the teenage arsonists and murderers felt. Disappointment and pain without the sense of what's right and wrong. I empathise with them, I really do but my conscience tells me otherwise.

One more year, it tells me. One more year to wait until you can leave everything behind and start again. Start fresh. Be your own person, be a new person. One more year, it tells me.

One more year until a new beginning. Don't go killing anyone or yourself yet. Just one more year. Maybe the next time I wake up, the water will never get too high and I won't find myself in middle of the night sobbing away the misery.

Current Location: too close to today than tomorrow
Current mood: tired
Current music: What You Want- Bombay Bicycle Club

p/s So, um, A Different Kind of Fix is a great album for the depressed, oppressed and repressed

all that live must die.

I am tired. Exhausted. And I'm also suffering from a severe case of flu. My Biology tuition teacher once said that everytime you get a flu, it's a different kind of antigen that is attacking your immune system. So, tell me, how many antigens had attacked me? How many more left? Or am I simply, not immune to them and that the same antigens have been attacking me over and over and over again?

How many more because I am tired of feeling helpless. I am tired of coughing and sneezing. I am just tired, in general.

This is meaningless. Everything is meaningless. Antigens attacking me. My, learning of the antigens attacking me, the process of it, the body's response to it but yet I cannot do anything to prevent or hasten the process. I just lay there, waiting for something that never comes. A cure for forever. What is the point of everything then? What is the point of learning when I can't change anything? I learnt that pills destroy you, it destroys your liver but yet whenever we get sick we pop a pill. I ate five Panadols and two Clarinase today but I still feel like chugging the whole bar. It still wouldn't help and it will kill me instead if I ingest everything.

So, how do I survive? How do I save myself without killing myself? This is meaningless when all that live must die.What is the point of lengthening a few years of our lifespan when we do so little to repent? When we don't even seek for atonement? What's the point of wishing for a healthy and long life when we do nothing productive of it?

I tell myself everyday, this too shall pass but that's not true. Nothing passes. Everything just ends up lingering over you.

Current location: Somewhere I don't belong
Current mood: -
Current music: Untitled- Diandra Arjunaidi

ask and you shall receive.

Hello, folks. So, I haven't been blogging for a while. The busy life of a sleepless seventeen sixteen year old. HAH! NOT! It's just that inspiration comes in the night- time and I have lost the night- time computer privileges, whoopee!

Okay, so, life in the last year of school wasn't as I had expected. Class is boring. Especially, when you're stuck in a class where everyone is absurdly nice and smart (probably eat brains for lunch, those people) and you're the only one who comes late to school, doesn't pass up books and skips class. So, where do I fit in? I can't even cheat anymore... and maybe you don't have to know that. Hahahaha.

Last year, I thought my class sucked. This year, I think my new class sucks. Question is, which one sucks more? As per usual to people who dislike change, old is better than new but to me, everything has its pros and cons. So, 4C or 5A? The answer is I prefer 4C. Less pressure, more 'kyo- kyo'.

WHAT THE FUDGE IS 'KYO- KYO'?

Okay, so, last year, my class is notorious for half of the class skipping Biology lab sessions with Puan Latiffah. One day, all of us were caught by the discipline teacher, En. Selva. He's not a scary guy or anything but obviously, a punishment will be bequeathed upon us. Anyways, the ones who skipped were a bunch of Chinese (not to be racist or anything but they were Chinese) and Nina, Adilah, Rash and I. So, comes in En. Selva who went on and on about the Chinese student whom he dubbed 'The Kuey Tiaw Gang'.

"You ah, Kuey Tiaw Gang can kyo- kyo (chatter) until Valentine's Day next year. Kyo- kyo away..." Then, he noticed us. Rash took off in a split second. "Why are you girls here?" he asked. Adilah said that we were confused and thought class was upstairs because half the class was upstairs. True enough... Never mind that half the Kuey Tiaw gang wasn't even in my class.

So, Kuey Tiaw Gang > A++ students. I kyo- kyo a lot. I sing in the class a lot. I like to cause mental trauma to Qin Hui a lot (not to be revealed what I did to him. Hahahaha). I like to bake a million red velvet cupcakes and stuff my face with it in class. I miss eating lasagna with the girls in class. Hanging out at the back with the gang.

It's entering March and I barely speak. I sleep and I do delayed homeworks. I eat in class alone. Boring manufactured bread. I don't even feel like I'm contributing anything to my class (last year, decorations were a blast and Alex Turner was somewhere in there). I became a wallflower, the boring kind. Not the holla- I got a big smile- I looove nachos- I love Red Bull- and I'm high 90% of the time.

Thing is, my new class, most of them are extroverts who already know each other. I'm like 'hi, I'm from 4C, you may mistake me as Farah, call me Izyan and ignore me.' It doesn't help that time drags on like it was carrying a 500 tonnes load. Life is boring and uninspiring. Someone make it December already. I just want everything to end so I can actually have time for myself which I barely have now.

I haven't even finished reading the books I got last month. Usually, it took me a week to end one. I haven't written anything in the past month, discover any fresh music, went to the cinema to catch a film, been to anything. And I'm probably going to miss The Pains of Being Pure at Heart show at KLPac this weekend regardless whether I win the tickets or not. Someone just save me already. I asked for them to come yet I probably can't go. Ask and you shall receive, right?

Current location: popteevee.net (That Effing Show, woohoo! It's been a while, I miss you, baby)

Current mood: further from happy than I expected

Current music: Counter Productive- The Great Metropolitan Expressway

hang out with the stars and the big moon

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (and yes, I spare no time for petty hellos). What defines independent music? Or indie as those young young people call it. Indie music is oh- so common and famous these days but are they indie? Is indie now a genre? IS INDIE FROM INDIA? Okay, that wasn't funny...

But anyway, way way back when I used to listen to this so called "indie" genre, they were ultimately independent. Running along without a proper label or management. Self funding their releases. Independent financially, hence the coined term, indie. So, I was listening to indie. 5 YEARS AGO.

I was on Facebook the other day and I saw a post, "Any good indie music recommendations?" A girl told him to listen to Vampire Weekend's Giving Up The Gun. VAMPIRE WEEKEND IS INDIE NOW?! Blame Wikipedia. Blame Allmusic. Sure. After all, Vampire Weekend is still under XL (independent music label in the UK, quite massive, they spawned Adele!) in the UK.

All those so called indie musicians are now mainstream regardless whether the masses want to acknowledge the fact or not. They're all signed to huge labels like Virgin, Mercury or little tiny labels (to mask their mainstreamness) that are a part of a huge corporate operation. So how now brown cow? All you "cool hipsters" who listen to Foster the People. They're not indie... Alternative? Sure! Indie? Hell no.

And then, there's the whole Hipster Issue. Malaysians vs. the World. Malaysian hipsters are so weird and the least cool of the world's hipsters. People regard those Supra wearing, DSLR slinging teens loitering in Bukit Bintang hipsters. What?! While the rest of the world has pretty blue- blond girls with tribal printed tank tops and cute boys in TOMS, slinging analogue Leicas .

Click the illustration! Read the post!

Okay, so I admit, I think they're cute and I kind of adore them but hey, I'm more hippie than hipster. I want to camp in a teepee during Coachella or Leeds Festival. I want to drink organic green tea while inhaling the scent of vanilla incense sticks. And no it's not the same as drinking organic coffee.

Current location: in a teepee during Coachella with Ezra Koenig

Current mood: happeyh

Current music: Dilettante- St. Vincent

Come to think of it, Johann just called me hipster versi pencinta jejaka Amerika jiwang yang berjambang lebat i.e. Bon Iver, Iron and Wine. His new mutant hipster creation. Hahahahaha.

they were kids that i once knew

I turned sixteen a few days ago. A few days more and it will be 2012. I don't think it ever occurred to me when I was a kid that I was ever going to be sixteen and mature yet here I am, both sixteen and mature. I'd never thought that I would grow up this way. Cynic, sarcastic, judgmental.

You like Justin Bieber and One Direction? Ew.

You've never watched (500) Days of Summer? Hi, we're not friends.

You've never read Harry Potter? I don't know you.

This is me, right now. To be honest, I can't change it. I can't change the fact that I like people who don't only care how good a male singer's hair is (and let's be honest, One Direction = EW). That I appreciate taste in film (if you like Alvin and the Chipmunks and Transformers, chances are I'm already doubting our friendship). That I like readers. You don't read, I'm already thinking that you're stupid.

And I feel guilty. Because I have those people as friends. I often find myself thinking when I see their Facebook statuses or blogposts, how in the world am I even friends with them? It's like Blair and Serena in Gossip Girl. Blair is incredibly smart with actual interests while Serena's interests are flirting. But Blair has Dan who appreciates the same things that she likes. While I have no one.



No one who is willing to sit with me and talk to me about books and film and music. No one who is willing to go see a small show of a little- known band. No one who is willing to listen to that little- known musician (unless of course, they're on next month's MTV Push. Even then, the fact that I wanted anyone to listen to them is already obsolete). No one who is willing to watch a film that doesn't involve robots or famous Hollywood actors. No one who is willing to read.

While having these interests exclusive to myself, company is nice too. Someone who gets it.

Someone who tells me "Hey Eizza, have you read Langit Vanila? Here's a copy."


Someone who sends me a Jens Lekman song and goes "Heard this yet? It's so cool and thought you might like it."
Jens Lekman - An Argument with Myself by $EDPMC Vincent

Someone who asks me out to watch movies that I would never be able to watch with anyone else. Someone who says "Let's watch Melancholia."


Only that. Simple enough, no?

Current location: The Cave (like the Mumford and Sons song)
Current mood: pretty lonely
Current music: I Must Belong Somewhere- Bright Eyes

p/s Recommendation of the day would be Jens Lekman's Waiting for Kirsten. The song is literally about him and his friend, Joel stalking Kirsten Dunst while she was in Gothenburg filming Melancholia. Too cool to be true.

behind the craze, there is a pretty sunset

She can paint a lovely picture but this picture has a twist. Her paintbrush is a razor and her canvas is her wrist. She paints her pretty picture in a color that’s blood red. While using her sharp paintbrush, she ends up finally dead. Her pretty pictures fading quite slowly on her arm. The blood is not racing through her. She can no longer do harm. She painted her pretty picture but her picture had a twist. You see, her mind was the razor and her heart was just her wrist.

- Anonymous

No, I am not suicidal. I just find it beautiful. Okay, maybe I am a bit sad. That's it though.

Current location: Arctic (air- conditioning, you know?)
Current mood: amused
Current music: O Children- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

an endless journey to an undying memory

Pick ten musicians that you love before reading the questions.

1. Arcade Fire
2. MGMT
3. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
4. Stars
5. Khottal
6. James Morrison
7. M83
8. John Mayer
9. Answer Sheet
10. Bo Amir Iqram

# the list wasn't compiled in order of favoritism. Just the first few names that pops up.

what was the first song you heard by 6?
You Give Me Something.

what’s your favourite song by 8?
Who Says because who says I can't get stoned/ plan a trip to Japan alone/ did it matter if I go/ who says I can't get stoned?

what impact has 1 had on your life?
Wake Up never fails to make me cry because it's so beautiful. Especially when they perform it live and the whole crowd just goes with them. Also the lyrics to Wake Up just gives me a reality check on growing up.

Children, don't grow up/ our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.

what are your favourite lyrics by 5?
I want to be the thing you can't afford to lose from YMFT because being one's favourite thing is easy but being one's most cherished thing is hard.

what is your favorite song by 7?
Midnight City! It's relatively new but it's my favourite. And the tune! Oh, love.

Waiting in a car/ waiting for the right time/ waiting for a ride in the dark.

is there any song by 4 that you find sad?
Dead Hearts. Maybe because of Like Crazy (it was the song at the ending of the movie which made it very heartbreaking) or maybe because I could relate.

what’s your favorite song by 3?
Heart in Your Heartbreak. It was catchy and the play in words are so cute.

She was the heart in your heartbreak/ the miss in your mistake/ and no matter what you take/ you're never gonna forget.

when did you first get into 3?
sometime back in 2009. I was reading Nylon while surfing the net. The reviews were rave. I decided to check them out. Never regretted that moment.

how did you get into 9?
Youtube. I watched their take on one of hellogoodbye's song using the ukulele. Then, I downloaded their EP. Stay, Leave made me fall ridiculously in love with them.

how many times have you seen 8 live?
Sadly, I never have. Oh John Mayer, why you no come Malaysia?

what’s a good memory concerning 9?
A boy I knew liked them too. He promised to take me somewhere because this is the place where I'm going to/ a place, I'll take you, Sadranan beach of Jogjakarta.

is there a song by 10 that makes you sad?
Yes and if anyone heard his album, Gemini, they would be sad too. But there's a song that hits home more than the rest. It would be You Learnt, the last track.

It's great to be carefree/ so many things left to be said/ at thousand promises to be kept

what’s your favorite song by 1?
Wake Up or Rococo. Wake Up when I'm sad and Rococo when I'm buzzy. I could go Rococorococorococo all day long.

Current location: oh, Borneo. Dear, Borneo
Current mood: I miss my friends :/
Current mood: Bo Amir Iqram/ Bedroom Sanctuary- Cheers 2007

p/s Recommendation of the day: the View by Bedroom Sanctuary or the whole album actually. He's awesome.

all directions are uncharted isles

Last time I blogged, I expressed my desires on wanting to watch so- and- so live. Great news. Foster the People are coming on the second week of January next year. Oh, such joy! Now, I only need to repress myself from spending money in order to accumulate RM 188. A large amount, I know, but anything to set my sights on Ponty (Mark Pontius, really, he plays the drums). I'm dead set on seeing them.

The thought of missing each and every (almost all, anyway) musical act I want to catch is just depressing. I mean, it's completely fine to miss it due to the lack of money, time. permission or transport, even and maybe, the concern of one's safety but to miss it because of the lack of a company? God, that is pathetic, to be honest.

Perhaps, I've only realized this now but I don't really have a friend who truly enjoys the same things as I do. Last time I checked, most of them were guys or I have fallen out of love with the things I used to revel at. That or I have fallen out of touch with those who used to be the greatest of companions. Now, I'm just alone.

It's not that I don't have friends, I just don't have my Pash yet. Oh dear God, please bless me with a Pash. The Bliss Cavendar in me is dying to have a Pash. An Oliver would be certain to spice things up too. But a Pash would do. An amazing friend like Pash would do.

Now, who's Pash, you may wonder? Well, excuse my Whip It reference.

Ellen Page and Alia Shawkat. Or Bliss and Pash from Whip It.

And Oliver? Well, just someone who's willing to sing the state anthem (Okay, maybe not). Um. Willing to listen to Arcade Fire and singalong to it. And maybe be in a band and NOT cheat on me. Hah. Dreaaaams~

Ellen Page and Landon Pigg. Or Bliss and Oliver.

Yes, I want to be Ellen Page in Whip It badly. Shut up about it. Not like you don't want to be Blake Lively or something.

Current Location: Smoke City!
Current Mood: longing?
Current Music: Metropolitan #1- OJ Law

p/s I watched AIM- 18 last weekend. Reza Salleh only won one. Frankly, Keith Yong won for his work on the album. Thankfully, Sheila Majid and Anuar Zain did win something. Justified, I suppose.

life's too short to even care at all

Music I Have To Listen Live Before I Grow Too Old


Coldplay


Young the Giant


Two Door Cinema Club


Phoenix


Arcade Fire


Khottal (/)


Sigur Ros


Mumford and Sons


Foster the People


Vampire Weeekend


Arctic Monkeys


Adele


Iron & Wine


Band of Horses


The Temper Trap


Paramore (/)


The Drums


MGMT


Ingrid Michaelson


Passion Pit


Maroon 5 (/)


Furniture (/)


The Pains of Being Pure at Heart


Ellie Goulding


Local Natives


John Mayer


Keane


The Strokes


Feist


James Morrison


Florence + the Machine


Kings of Leon


Jet


Akta Angkasa


Imogen Heap


Taylor Swift


Foals


A Fine Frenzy


Liyana Fizi (/)


Tenderfist


Jason Mraz


Explosions in the Sky


A post after a month! Finally! Anyway, these are just a few from my ever growing list of acts to watch though I need more friends :/ Only a handful of my friends know some of these bands and fewer wants to actually see them. Oh, life.

Current Location: at a Coldplay concert singing along to Chris Martin
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Alabaster- Foals

p/s Recommendation of the day: Cough Syrup by Young the Giant. Sameer Ghadia's voice is pure sex.