oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I am a reader. I am half the beautiful girl Warnke described; I am the girl who reads. I am the girl who loves bookstores. The environment, the smell, the feeling one can get just by discovering a new book. It could be Kafka, Chbosky, Tolstoy. Or even Sophie Kinsella and Julian Clary! Magazines, even; Frankie, Nylon, Dazed & Confused. It might as well be a modern architecture book that just caught your eye because of the sophisticated, eco- friendly house on the cover. It could also be a collection of typography. Young Malaysian poets. Old Singaporean poets. I am the girl who rips open the plastic covering as soon as I get the receipt. I am Little Miss Excited In A Bookstore.

Imagine life without a bookstore. Well, I can't.

America's facing a crisis where books don't sell anymore. Everybody is hooked on their iPads and Kindles and other tablets and e- readers one could own. Books don't sell anymore. Bookshops are closing. Owners can't pay their lease. Borders were in a huge debt that they can't afford to run it anymore. 2011 has been a sad year for readers. Not that I represent every single reader out there but I'm pretty sure I'm accurate. The internet is filled with people writing journals, blogs and essays about how these shops in America are closing. About how it breaks their heart. I suppose I'm one of those people. But it's true.

I remembered when I read the newspaper sometime this year and saw at the World section that Borders is facing bankruptcy. I remembered having some sort of a panicky- hyperventilating moment in my head. I remembered running to Google the state of it. To see if the Malaysian branches are affected as well. I remembered feeling relieved but I also remembered feeling really sad and almost teary- eyed. Borders; the bookshop of dreams is closing down? It felt almost surreal.

This cute hipster- manned bookstore is closing? I die a little inside.

So, I made a pledge. I'm going to buy books. I am not going to "invest" in an e- reader. I am going to waste my money buying books. I am going to waste the money my parents probably allocate for my spending (or they might not and I just spend their money recklessly. Oh dear God, save my parents' soul and cash. Maybe I should stop eating to save their money.) on books. From a bookstore. Not from an online shop. Not an e- book. I am going to buy and read for I cannot live without books. For I cannot live not being able to go to a bookstore.

And I had a moment in one.

I'd want to be able to grow old and point at the bookstore one day and say, "I had a moment in there." And smile. Or cry. The place might a wasteland in the future. No one but God knows what fate lies for it.

Current Location: somewhere only we know

Current Mood: sad

Current Music: Sunshine- Keane

p/s I finally got Keane's Hopes & Fears! Thanks, Wan. And I am going to buy Rob Sheffield's Love is a Mixtape. God knows why I haven't bought it just yet.

By the way, anyone remembers Warnke essay about readers? I found an alternate ending. Here you go.

So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. Or, perhaps, stay and save my life.

the waking up is the hardest part

If I were given a chance to be someone else than I am today, I would be spoilt for choices. In my restricted lifestyle (no car or driving license or skill, crazy kidnappers and rapists and acid splasher running wild in the country, erratic weather and the effects i.e. sunburn or the awkward NOT golden tan and et cetera et cetera), I would want to be a series of different things.

But I think I'd love to be a beach babe the most. I'd be skilled at swimming (something I have never mastered). I'd have a knack for surfing which sounds just amazing. I'd be the girl in the sundresses and cute aviators hanging around the beach with a cup of ice- cold green tea. I'd be the girl sitting on cliffs with a cute vintage Leica (preferably. I love that thing especially after fooling around with Wan's and this whole beach thing is about the look too) trying to take pictures of seagulls (I think I read the Seagull one too many time, now).

I'd be like Lilo from Lilo & Stitch but instead of rescuing aliens, I'd be volunteering at the nearest PAWS and working part time in a secondhand bookstore. My life would be sitting in a dusty bookstore, picking through the donations pile for what could be marketable. Doing all that while humming to the beat of the Pains of Being Pure at Heart (of which I played on the store's uber cool speaker system courtesy of the musician upstairs who no longer needs his Bose speakers), sipping on steaming cups of Java and reading the occasional Frankie someone cool on the island donated. And then there's the rare Jean- Paul Satre book I found that I sneaked back home. The owner wouldn't mind, he knew that I would appreciate the age of the old book.

I would live and breathe wooden bangles, vintage rings and long fanged or feathered necklaces. I breathe wide- brimmed sun hats in which I would wear whenever I cycle. Of course, cycling would be my mode of transportation (I never had the chance to master this skill either). My almost legal friends would drive around in convertible four wheel drives. There are no island police to catch the barely legal drivers. The friends with the cars would drive the carless ones everywhere. Said friend would take us to mainland to catch the dreampop band from the city. Said friend would drive us for late night dinners and chugging Snapples by the beach (bonfire and all).

Early morning weekends would be spent jogging by the beach, no iPod needed. The sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline is enough to soothe one's soul and the beauty of the clean seawater alone is enough to motivate a girl to run five kilometres. I'd pick up trash along the way (probably from some schoolmates' last night rendesvous Coke bottles and chocolate wrappers). Breakfast would be at the best friend's house. At the terrace, on a cliff (she's a pretty rich girl with a house facing directly at the sunset) eating banana pancakes and pineapples with jugs of fresh mango juice with mint leaves as garnish. She would then, try to impress me with her ukulele playing skill (she had just perfected learning how to play Chasing Cars) and I would sing along to

the familiar tune. I would know how to whistle and I do, occasionally whistle as I work. Normal pop music, when whistled becomes pretty genius! Later in the afternoon, a bunch of us would play volleyball by the beach and end up sunbathing or playing in the water. Lemonades and Gatorades are necessary along with granola bars and sunscreen.

At night, I'd come home and start barbecuing a little lamb, some shrimp and salmon for dinner with my dad and brother (I have a brother in this imaginary life!). My mum would be at the back snipping some flowers for the centrepiece and preparing a little salad and dessert with my sisters. I'd light up a few scented candles and voila, dinner is served! After dinner, brother's friends would come to pick him up for a secret gig at the old rundown theater. The cute one asked if I wanted to join. I profusely say no because I wanted to watch the latest indie flick on tv, Happythankyoumoreplease. He says, what a shame, I would love to have you see me perform. I'd still stay at home with a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Cookie Dough ice cream while watching Ted Mosby trying to score Kate Mara on telly.

Nearing bedtime, I'd snuggle in my hammock- like bed with netting all over it (I live in an open concept house which had zero air- conditioning except for the huge main hall) and fairy lights all over the wooden ceiling. Sented tea lights lighted up and mosquito repellent sprayed, I'm quite ready for bed. After doing a little light reading (Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper or John Green's Looking for Alaska) accompanied by Jonsi Birgisson's voice in Svefn g Englar. I woukd drift off to sleep dreaming that I was a wolf in the White North just admiring the aurora boraelis.

It's kind of the perfect life. Peaceful. Ethereal. Eco- friendly. Short of amazing. This is what I'd love to be. A beach babe.

Current Location: Reaching Dreamland

Current Mood: a little happy for I have achieved something, sad that I have failed someone

Current Music: It's Sunday, We're Alive- Tenderfist

p/s everyone ought to check out Tenderfist (they have a soundcloud!). They are amazing. God, I can't believe I missed two opportunities to hear them live.