they were kids that i once knew

I turned sixteen a few days ago. A few days more and it will be 2012. I don't think it ever occurred to me when I was a kid that I was ever going to be sixteen and mature yet here I am, both sixteen and mature. I'd never thought that I would grow up this way. Cynic, sarcastic, judgmental.

You like Justin Bieber and One Direction? Ew.

You've never watched (500) Days of Summer? Hi, we're not friends.

You've never read Harry Potter? I don't know you.

This is me, right now. To be honest, I can't change it. I can't change the fact that I like people who don't only care how good a male singer's hair is (and let's be honest, One Direction = EW). That I appreciate taste in film (if you like Alvin and the Chipmunks and Transformers, chances are I'm already doubting our friendship). That I like readers. You don't read, I'm already thinking that you're stupid.

And I feel guilty. Because I have those people as friends. I often find myself thinking when I see their Facebook statuses or blogposts, how in the world am I even friends with them? It's like Blair and Serena in Gossip Girl. Blair is incredibly smart with actual interests while Serena's interests are flirting. But Blair has Dan who appreciates the same things that she likes. While I have no one.



No one who is willing to sit with me and talk to me about books and film and music. No one who is willing to go see a small show of a little- known band. No one who is willing to listen to that little- known musician (unless of course, they're on next month's MTV Push. Even then, the fact that I wanted anyone to listen to them is already obsolete). No one who is willing to watch a film that doesn't involve robots or famous Hollywood actors. No one who is willing to read.

While having these interests exclusive to myself, company is nice too. Someone who gets it.

Someone who tells me "Hey Eizza, have you read Langit Vanila? Here's a copy."


Someone who sends me a Jens Lekman song and goes "Heard this yet? It's so cool and thought you might like it."
Jens Lekman - An Argument with Myself by $EDPMC Vincent

Someone who asks me out to watch movies that I would never be able to watch with anyone else. Someone who says "Let's watch Melancholia."


Only that. Simple enough, no?

Current location: The Cave (like the Mumford and Sons song)
Current mood: pretty lonely
Current music: I Must Belong Somewhere- Bright Eyes

p/s Recommendation of the day would be Jens Lekman's Waiting for Kirsten. The song is literally about him and his friend, Joel stalking Kirsten Dunst while she was in Gothenburg filming Melancholia. Too cool to be true.

behind the craze, there is a pretty sunset

She can paint a lovely picture but this picture has a twist. Her paintbrush is a razor and her canvas is her wrist. She paints her pretty picture in a color that’s blood red. While using her sharp paintbrush, she ends up finally dead. Her pretty pictures fading quite slowly on her arm. The blood is not racing through her. She can no longer do harm. She painted her pretty picture but her picture had a twist. You see, her mind was the razor and her heart was just her wrist.

- Anonymous

No, I am not suicidal. I just find it beautiful. Okay, maybe I am a bit sad. That's it though.

Current location: Arctic (air- conditioning, you know?)
Current mood: amused
Current music: O Children- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

an endless journey to an undying memory

Pick ten musicians that you love before reading the questions.

1. Arcade Fire
2. MGMT
3. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
4. Stars
5. Khottal
6. James Morrison
7. M83
8. John Mayer
9. Answer Sheet
10. Bo Amir Iqram

# the list wasn't compiled in order of favoritism. Just the first few names that pops up.

what was the first song you heard by 6?
You Give Me Something.

what’s your favourite song by 8?
Who Says because who says I can't get stoned/ plan a trip to Japan alone/ did it matter if I go/ who says I can't get stoned?

what impact has 1 had on your life?
Wake Up never fails to make me cry because it's so beautiful. Especially when they perform it live and the whole crowd just goes with them. Also the lyrics to Wake Up just gives me a reality check on growing up.

Children, don't grow up/ our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.

what are your favourite lyrics by 5?
I want to be the thing you can't afford to lose from YMFT because being one's favourite thing is easy but being one's most cherished thing is hard.

what is your favorite song by 7?
Midnight City! It's relatively new but it's my favourite. And the tune! Oh, love.

Waiting in a car/ waiting for the right time/ waiting for a ride in the dark.

is there any song by 4 that you find sad?
Dead Hearts. Maybe because of Like Crazy (it was the song at the ending of the movie which made it very heartbreaking) or maybe because I could relate.

what’s your favorite song by 3?
Heart in Your Heartbreak. It was catchy and the play in words are so cute.

She was the heart in your heartbreak/ the miss in your mistake/ and no matter what you take/ you're never gonna forget.

when did you first get into 3?
sometime back in 2009. I was reading Nylon while surfing the net. The reviews were rave. I decided to check them out. Never regretted that moment.

how did you get into 9?
Youtube. I watched their take on one of hellogoodbye's song using the ukulele. Then, I downloaded their EP. Stay, Leave made me fall ridiculously in love with them.

how many times have you seen 8 live?
Sadly, I never have. Oh John Mayer, why you no come Malaysia?

what’s a good memory concerning 9?
A boy I knew liked them too. He promised to take me somewhere because this is the place where I'm going to/ a place, I'll take you, Sadranan beach of Jogjakarta.

is there a song by 10 that makes you sad?
Yes and if anyone heard his album, Gemini, they would be sad too. But there's a song that hits home more than the rest. It would be You Learnt, the last track.

It's great to be carefree/ so many things left to be said/ at thousand promises to be kept

what’s your favorite song by 1?
Wake Up or Rococo. Wake Up when I'm sad and Rococo when I'm buzzy. I could go Rococorococorococo all day long.

Current location: oh, Borneo. Dear, Borneo
Current mood: I miss my friends :/
Current mood: Bo Amir Iqram/ Bedroom Sanctuary- Cheers 2007

p/s Recommendation of the day: the View by Bedroom Sanctuary or the whole album actually. He's awesome.

all directions are uncharted isles

Last time I blogged, I expressed my desires on wanting to watch so- and- so live. Great news. Foster the People are coming on the second week of January next year. Oh, such joy! Now, I only need to repress myself from spending money in order to accumulate RM 188. A large amount, I know, but anything to set my sights on Ponty (Mark Pontius, really, he plays the drums). I'm dead set on seeing them.

The thought of missing each and every (almost all, anyway) musical act I want to catch is just depressing. I mean, it's completely fine to miss it due to the lack of money, time. permission or transport, even and maybe, the concern of one's safety but to miss it because of the lack of a company? God, that is pathetic, to be honest.

Perhaps, I've only realized this now but I don't really have a friend who truly enjoys the same things as I do. Last time I checked, most of them were guys or I have fallen out of love with the things I used to revel at. That or I have fallen out of touch with those who used to be the greatest of companions. Now, I'm just alone.

It's not that I don't have friends, I just don't have my Pash yet. Oh dear God, please bless me with a Pash. The Bliss Cavendar in me is dying to have a Pash. An Oliver would be certain to spice things up too. But a Pash would do. An amazing friend like Pash would do.

Now, who's Pash, you may wonder? Well, excuse my Whip It reference.

Ellen Page and Alia Shawkat. Or Bliss and Pash from Whip It.

And Oliver? Well, just someone who's willing to sing the state anthem (Okay, maybe not). Um. Willing to listen to Arcade Fire and singalong to it. And maybe be in a band and NOT cheat on me. Hah. Dreaaaams~

Ellen Page and Landon Pigg. Or Bliss and Oliver.

Yes, I want to be Ellen Page in Whip It badly. Shut up about it. Not like you don't want to be Blake Lively or something.

Current Location: Smoke City!
Current Mood: longing?
Current Music: Metropolitan #1- OJ Law

p/s I watched AIM- 18 last weekend. Reza Salleh only won one. Frankly, Keith Yong won for his work on the album. Thankfully, Sheila Majid and Anuar Zain did win something. Justified, I suppose.

life's too short to even care at all

Music I Have To Listen Live Before I Grow Too Old


Coldplay


Young the Giant


Two Door Cinema Club


Phoenix


Arcade Fire


Khottal (/)


Sigur Ros


Mumford and Sons


Foster the People


Vampire Weeekend


Arctic Monkeys


Adele


Iron & Wine


Band of Horses


The Temper Trap


Paramore (/)


The Drums


MGMT


Ingrid Michaelson


Passion Pit


Maroon 5 (/)


Furniture (/)


The Pains of Being Pure at Heart


Ellie Goulding


Local Natives


John Mayer


Keane


The Strokes


Feist


James Morrison


Florence + the Machine


Kings of Leon


Jet


Akta Angkasa


Imogen Heap


Taylor Swift


Foals


A Fine Frenzy


Liyana Fizi (/)


Tenderfist


Jason Mraz


Explosions in the Sky


A post after a month! Finally! Anyway, these are just a few from my ever growing list of acts to watch though I need more friends :/ Only a handful of my friends know some of these bands and fewer wants to actually see them. Oh, life.

Current Location: at a Coldplay concert singing along to Chris Martin
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Alabaster- Foals

p/s Recommendation of the day: Cough Syrup by Young the Giant. Sameer Ghadia's voice is pure sex.

oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I am a reader. I am half the beautiful girl Warnke described; I am the girl who reads. I am the girl who loves bookstores. The environment, the smell, the feeling one can get just by discovering a new book. It could be Kafka, Chbosky, Tolstoy. Or even Sophie Kinsella and Julian Clary! Magazines, even; Frankie, Nylon, Dazed & Confused. It might as well be a modern architecture book that just caught your eye because of the sophisticated, eco- friendly house on the cover. It could also be a collection of typography. Young Malaysian poets. Old Singaporean poets. I am the girl who rips open the plastic covering as soon as I get the receipt. I am Little Miss Excited In A Bookstore.

Imagine life without a bookstore. Well, I can't.

America's facing a crisis where books don't sell anymore. Everybody is hooked on their iPads and Kindles and other tablets and e- readers one could own. Books don't sell anymore. Bookshops are closing. Owners can't pay their lease. Borders were in a huge debt that they can't afford to run it anymore. 2011 has been a sad year for readers. Not that I represent every single reader out there but I'm pretty sure I'm accurate. The internet is filled with people writing journals, blogs and essays about how these shops in America are closing. About how it breaks their heart. I suppose I'm one of those people. But it's true.

I remembered when I read the newspaper sometime this year and saw at the World section that Borders is facing bankruptcy. I remembered having some sort of a panicky- hyperventilating moment in my head. I remembered running to Google the state of it. To see if the Malaysian branches are affected as well. I remembered feeling relieved but I also remembered feeling really sad and almost teary- eyed. Borders; the bookshop of dreams is closing down? It felt almost surreal.

This cute hipster- manned bookstore is closing? I die a little inside.

So, I made a pledge. I'm going to buy books. I am not going to "invest" in an e- reader. I am going to waste my money buying books. I am going to waste the money my parents probably allocate for my spending (or they might not and I just spend their money recklessly. Oh dear God, save my parents' soul and cash. Maybe I should stop eating to save their money.) on books. From a bookstore. Not from an online shop. Not an e- book. I am going to buy and read for I cannot live without books. For I cannot live not being able to go to a bookstore.

And I had a moment in one.

I'd want to be able to grow old and point at the bookstore one day and say, "I had a moment in there." And smile. Or cry. The place might a wasteland in the future. No one but God knows what fate lies for it.

Current Location: somewhere only we know

Current Mood: sad

Current Music: Sunshine- Keane

p/s I finally got Keane's Hopes & Fears! Thanks, Wan. And I am going to buy Rob Sheffield's Love is a Mixtape. God knows why I haven't bought it just yet.

By the way, anyone remembers Warnke essay about readers? I found an alternate ending. Here you go.

So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. Or, perhaps, stay and save my life.

the waking up is the hardest part

If I were given a chance to be someone else than I am today, I would be spoilt for choices. In my restricted lifestyle (no car or driving license or skill, crazy kidnappers and rapists and acid splasher running wild in the country, erratic weather and the effects i.e. sunburn or the awkward NOT golden tan and et cetera et cetera), I would want to be a series of different things.

But I think I'd love to be a beach babe the most. I'd be skilled at swimming (something I have never mastered). I'd have a knack for surfing which sounds just amazing. I'd be the girl in the sundresses and cute aviators hanging around the beach with a cup of ice- cold green tea. I'd be the girl sitting on cliffs with a cute vintage Leica (preferably. I love that thing especially after fooling around with Wan's and this whole beach thing is about the look too) trying to take pictures of seagulls (I think I read the Seagull one too many time, now).

I'd be like Lilo from Lilo & Stitch but instead of rescuing aliens, I'd be volunteering at the nearest PAWS and working part time in a secondhand bookstore. My life would be sitting in a dusty bookstore, picking through the donations pile for what could be marketable. Doing all that while humming to the beat of the Pains of Being Pure at Heart (of which I played on the store's uber cool speaker system courtesy of the musician upstairs who no longer needs his Bose speakers), sipping on steaming cups of Java and reading the occasional Frankie someone cool on the island donated. And then there's the rare Jean- Paul Satre book I found that I sneaked back home. The owner wouldn't mind, he knew that I would appreciate the age of the old book.

I would live and breathe wooden bangles, vintage rings and long fanged or feathered necklaces. I breathe wide- brimmed sun hats in which I would wear whenever I cycle. Of course, cycling would be my mode of transportation (I never had the chance to master this skill either). My almost legal friends would drive around in convertible four wheel drives. There are no island police to catch the barely legal drivers. The friends with the cars would drive the carless ones everywhere. Said friend would take us to mainland to catch the dreampop band from the city. Said friend would drive us for late night dinners and chugging Snapples by the beach (bonfire and all).

Early morning weekends would be spent jogging by the beach, no iPod needed. The sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline is enough to soothe one's soul and the beauty of the clean seawater alone is enough to motivate a girl to run five kilometres. I'd pick up trash along the way (probably from some schoolmates' last night rendesvous Coke bottles and chocolate wrappers). Breakfast would be at the best friend's house. At the terrace, on a cliff (she's a pretty rich girl with a house facing directly at the sunset) eating banana pancakes and pineapples with jugs of fresh mango juice with mint leaves as garnish. She would then, try to impress me with her ukulele playing skill (she had just perfected learning how to play Chasing Cars) and I would sing along to

the familiar tune. I would know how to whistle and I do, occasionally whistle as I work. Normal pop music, when whistled becomes pretty genius! Later in the afternoon, a bunch of us would play volleyball by the beach and end up sunbathing or playing in the water. Lemonades and Gatorades are necessary along with granola bars and sunscreen.

At night, I'd come home and start barbecuing a little lamb, some shrimp and salmon for dinner with my dad and brother (I have a brother in this imaginary life!). My mum would be at the back snipping some flowers for the centrepiece and preparing a little salad and dessert with my sisters. I'd light up a few scented candles and voila, dinner is served! After dinner, brother's friends would come to pick him up for a secret gig at the old rundown theater. The cute one asked if I wanted to join. I profusely say no because I wanted to watch the latest indie flick on tv, Happythankyoumoreplease. He says, what a shame, I would love to have you see me perform. I'd still stay at home with a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Cookie Dough ice cream while watching Ted Mosby trying to score Kate Mara on telly.

Nearing bedtime, I'd snuggle in my hammock- like bed with netting all over it (I live in an open concept house which had zero air- conditioning except for the huge main hall) and fairy lights all over the wooden ceiling. Sented tea lights lighted up and mosquito repellent sprayed, I'm quite ready for bed. After doing a little light reading (Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper or John Green's Looking for Alaska) accompanied by Jonsi Birgisson's voice in Svefn g Englar. I woukd drift off to sleep dreaming that I was a wolf in the White North just admiring the aurora boraelis.

It's kind of the perfect life. Peaceful. Ethereal. Eco- friendly. Short of amazing. This is what I'd love to be. A beach babe.

Current Location: Reaching Dreamland

Current Mood: a little happy for I have achieved something, sad that I have failed someone

Current Music: It's Sunday, We're Alive- Tenderfist

p/s everyone ought to check out Tenderfist (they have a soundcloud!). They are amazing. God, I can't believe I missed two opportunities to hear them live.

we're strangers in an empty space

In my sixteen (almost) years of living and breathing, I had many musical phases in my life. There was the Teeny Pop- Bopper Phase.

I hearted Jesse McCartney and Aaron Carter. I was ten. I fought with primary school friend, Suraya over who had dibs over Jesse McCartney. He was blonde then, he was gorgeous. Definitely a beautiful soul that one. I also adored Hilary Duff (courtesy of her stint as Lizzie McGuire which catapulted her into Tween Queen Status) and then- redhead Lindsay Lohan. Britney Spears was still normal. Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boi was still playing on radio stations. I had that phase.

The following year (my Teeny Pop- Bopper Phase actually began at the end of the year), by February, I started watching TRL on MTV after school. I learned about Fall Out Boy (I know Dance Dance and Sugar, We're Going Down by heart), discovered Panic! At The Disco (they had the exclamation mark back then). I Write Sins Not Tragedies was on rotate, blaring through the speakers. Little did I know what 'whore' meant back then.

At the same time of my FOB/ P!ATD Phase, I started to watch One Tree Hill and Grey's Anatomy religiously. It was around Season 4. I had a Season 1-3 marathon courtesy of my eldest sister. I loved One Tree Hill. Jesse McCartney, what? It's all about Chad Michael Murray now and the music, God, the music! Explosions in the Sky, The Killers, Bethany Joy Lenz, most of the bands that made me who I am today, I discovered on OTH. If not OTH, it was Grey's. I hadn't understood remorse or yearning and all the sadness that revolves around GA yet. I thought the songs were just, pretty. Au Revoir Simone, Kate Havnevik, Anna Nalick, Brandi Carlile, I didn't know that they were inspiring and deep.

To top it off, at the same time, I also began watching Laguna Beach and the O.C. I had a new crush; Adam Brody. He was the kind of guy I thought I would wanna date when I'm sixteen. Little did I know how messed up he was. I wanted to be Marissa. The episode where she died, either it hadn't premiered yet or I haven't watched it yet. She was messed up. I discovered Matchbox Twenty. How Far We've Come was just something I could be singing everyday.

Around the same time, Shrek (which one, I couldn't remember) came out. I had a marathon. I discovered Frou Frou, Butterfly Boucher. Matchbox Twenty was part of the soundtrack. At age of eleven, I hearted soundtracks. Who would've thought that a fantasy cartoon movie pushed me deeper into Alternative Rock or basically, I'm in the Fuck, Mainstream. I'm Going Alternative Phase.

By the time I turned twelve, somehow, I began a strange infactuation with animes and mangas. Maybe it was because I started to watch Animax religiously. I loved Tsubasa Chronicles (anything by Clamp, really) and Gundam. Out of a sudden, I'm into Japanese music. I adored Kinya Kotani, Hajime Chitose, L'arc~en~Ciel and KAT-TUN. Japan dominated my life and Alternative? Well, I was still listening to it. Sometimes. 2007 was the year I called My Otaku Phase. I even started to buy manga regularly. Never mind that they were expensive.

Late 2007, TV series KAMI premièred. I watched it. I instantly fell in love with the soundtrack. Reza Salleh, Bittersweet, Meet Uncle Hussain; that was my jam. I was in my Local Scene Phase. It was a good phase. Why support foreigners when you can support locals? I also discovered Dance to the Radio and attempted to get their EP. I failed. Miserably. Downloaded their bootlegs a year later.

Mid 2008, I was thirteen. Somehow, I started listening to K-pop. It bands of the time were Big Bang (God, how I loved loved Lies, Last Farewell and Haru Haru), DBSK (they were still a unit of five then) and Wonder Girls. I wanted to be Yoobin of Wonder Girls after watching their So Hot clip. This sparked the Manic K-pop Phase in which I'm not proud of.

Late 2008, I was about to cancel my subscription with the MTV newsletter. We The Kings caught my eye. MTV was giving away free downloads and some of them were Iron & Wine (Boy With A Coin), All Time Low (Dear Maria, Count Me In), We The Kings (Check Yes Juliet) and Vampire Weekend (A- Punk). I never cancelled my subscription. I regretted naming my blog what it is now. I thought I was too cool to change it like all my peers that hopped domain to domain. I still regret it.

At the same time, I discovered Yuna. Her song was on some local drama on 8TV. I heard Rocket. I hearted Rocket. I hearted Yuna. I hearted the fact she wore the hijab. When I discovered Yuna on Myspace (Youtube videos were LQ and Myspace was still "cool"), I began to listen to Estrella, Lightcraft (I even bought their album!) and Hujan (they just released Pagi Yang Gelap). KAMI the Movie came out with an even better soundtrack. At age of thirteen, I had The Multiple & Clashing Music Preferences Phase but I assure you, I wasn't confused. Koreans, Americans and Malaysians; I can handle them all.

2009. I listened to K-pop and local music way excessively. I referred this as the Asian Phase. I hearted 2PM. I also discovered the other side of Korean music. Through the then- still- amazing- and- tearjerking Korean dramas and movies (Boy, was I in love with Son Ye Jin, Jung Woo Sung, Jeon Ji Hyun and Song Seung Hyun back then!), I learned how not every Korean song have to be a power ballad or pop. I discovered Clazziquai and Loveholic. Through their label, I discovered Epik High. I still listen to these three bands religiously.

Around 2010, things took a major change. Koreans became famous. I hated fame. I loved exclusivity. Besides, as of late 2009, I bought more NYLONs than I did before. I heard Mumford & Sons way before they were famous even in America. I watched (500) Days of Summer. I heard the Temper Trap and Feist. I read Perks of Being A Wallflower. I heard the Smiths. I became what I am today. Now, I realized this, I'm calling this My Part Hipster Phase.

The K-pop I knew crumbled anyway. Jay Park officially left 2PM. DBSK split up. Wonder Girls pretty much disappeared. The mass began to love all the cutesy stuff. SNSD was propelled to fame. Big Bang disappeared to Japan. New groups were debuting. Too much new groups. That phase is officially over. That phase represented something bigger. I fell out of love with K-pop. It represented the disintegration of my friendship with someone I regarded as a close friend.

2011. Nothing changed since then. I still am listening to Mumford and Sons and the Temper Trap. I still read Perks of Being a Wallflower from time to time. I still own and buy my NYLONs. I still loath K-pop. I quit Korean classes. I'm doubting if I ever want to pick it up again. I aced my last evaluation. I'm still figuring out my love/ hate relationship with Korea and said friend.

2011. I wonder if she ever thought of me. I wonder if she missed me. I wonder if she ever thought that if and only if we apologized, would things actually be the same like it was back then? I couldn't stand Koreans. I shut myself off when I see the Korean Wave thing. While the rest of the world is supporting the "wave", I am against it. I wonder if we made up, would I love it again?

Current Location: What- if Land
Current Mood: what if, what if, what if
Current Music: Ungu- Kekasih Gelapku

p/s I've wrote too much. I know. But who cares. And I miss Ungu. Peterpan. Sheila on 7. Fuck, this is getting all nostalgic. I feel like buying Keane's album. Random, I know.

we've pulled too many false alarms

Right now, I am practicing self inflicted pain. I am listening to Rap. Unlike my usual preferences of rap (aka Epik High and Lupe Fiasco), I'm listening to what I really and utmostly despise. Nicki Minaj. If you know me really well, you would know that I hate what Nicki Minaj preaches, her voice, her look, everything. Nicki Minaj. So, why am I putting myself in this awful position? Well, staying alone quietly with my deepest thoughts is really self destructing. Mentally, of course.

Some how, the usual cures; John Mayer, Paramore, Maroon 5, Khottal, Arcade Fire, Epik High, they don't seem to work. They're supposed to work. They're supposed to be my Placebo. They're supposed to psyche me to feel all happy again. To feel better. The combination of rain, sleep, sudoku and John Mayer never failed before. Albeit that, they used to be accompanied by ice- cream or chocolate or whatever but I doubt that's the failing point. John Mayer always work.

With the failure of everything dawning on me, I am left with the one thing I know would distract me from my thoughts; Rap. I am not emotionally bound to Lil Wayne and LMFAO as I am to Mumford and Sons and the Temper Trap. I am not in love with Chris Brown as I am with Ellie Goulding. I don't tie Pitbull to scenes of my life as I do to MGMT and Feist. I am not as hopelessly wishing I'm the girl John Mayer sang about than Akon. Rap is something I can't ruin. I can't hate it if something goes awry as I already hate it.

I'm not saying that I hate people who likes rap. I mean, my friends, my friends! loves Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne and LMFAO. Who the hell is Feist? But rap would eventually tire me. Annoy me. It would eventually expire its welcome. I would move back to Snow Patrol and Matt Costa. Besides, how long can I actually survive listening to some guy wishing he was up and in a hoe's throat? No more that 10 minutes, sorry. I'd take Big Time Rush's gay faces anytime over Nicki Minaj.

Current Location: next to Hitam, my love
Current Mood: doomed (or so say John Mayer in Slow Dancing In A Burning Room)
Current Music: Cold December- Matt Costa

to me, you are

Inspired by What You Are To Me by Chelsea Fagan.

To me, you are 5.00 p.m. The rain just stopped. It was incredibly sunny but dripping wet. And extremely windy. The grass and the tress were saturated with colour. Rain made them brighter in shade. I'm outside sitting on a white porch chair with a cup of Milo, a long overdue History homework and Yuna on my iPod. My fat tabby cat curled up on the chair opposite of mine. Purring. You are that perfect afternoon in this ever terrible climate.

To me, you are the smell of garlic stir- fried in oil waiting for another ingredient to be put into the pan when I pass by the kitchen on the way home from school. The smell of home cooking. The feeling I get when I realized that something good is cooking in the kitchen which is a rare sight when the house is in the midst of renovation. You are the smell of affection and love in the form of food.

You are the time I scrolled through HBO's movie list and magically found a screening of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist at let's say, primetime. I get that warm, fuzzy feeling that someone out there in HBO Asia's office appreciates Nick and Norah. Appreciates good music though in reality, they were simply paid to air the movie. I still felt happy anyway.

You are a song. False Start by Furniture.You're pretty. You're upbeat. You lift me up. You made me dance around trying to mimic the lyricless beginning of the song. You are my ringtone. Actually, I rephrase. You are a few songs, actually. You are the Temper Trap's Sweet Disposition. Simply because that's what you are, honestly. You are Khottal. YMFT. Truly.

You are 4.00 a.m. I'm alone. I looked up the sky and there were a sea of stars. And a moon. I have never seen a sight like it before. I had yet to turn fifteen but I have seen the gorgeous Subang skyline. I was in a mosque. Hurriedly dressed up but I smelled like Victoria's Secret. I had an amazing laugh- until- you- burst- into- tears night. I was away from home. I saw the stars. I was utterly and completely happy. You are that.

Sometimes, you're not all that happy parts. You are an afternoon where I slept the whole day just so I don't have to face anything. With Dido on, of course. There are times when you are a Sufian Abas excerpt. You are sad, deep, stupid and I'm the fool. Most of the times like this, you are a bad, overrated K-pop band with a penchant for gauzy suits, tarty platinum blonde hair and awful English pronunciation.

You are this big lump of things. Both good and bad. Like a chocolate crumble soft cookie and I'm looking for the chocolatey gooey part. Sometimes there's a lot of it. Sometimes I can't even find any but when I found it, I'm ecstatic and I'm savouring every second of it. You are inhuman. You are a chocolate crumble soft cookie. Nuff said. Now, can someone drive me to Subway to get one? No? I'll die a little inside then, for tonight.

Current Location: perched on a clock

Current Mood: waiting for 7.30 p.m. to strike

Current Music: Everyone's Starting Over (Diggs cover)- Beat Radio

To anyone out there, if you're reading, check out Beat Radio.

lampu denyar, lampu limpah

Here I am, at home with a partially blocked nose, headache the size of Masjid Negara and boredom beyond compare. Well, at least I don't have to feel the guilt of being completely tired at school while everybody goes all "Wuhuhuhu".

The last couple of weekends had been absurdly tiring and exciting (possible factors of my being sick) and this week (and the last) have been a busy yet productive week for the house. As per usual, La Mamasita decided that our humble abode needs another makeover (yet again for the umpteenth time since I hit puberty). So, men of all shape and sizes, colours and races came along to modify Ze Grande Abode to an even more grand abode and probably be called Le Haute Abode after this. The house will be completely modified by Puasa (which reminds me, it's only FIVE days away! WOOHOOHOO!). Yes, I love the fasting month! Why the hell not?

I am currently nursing my cold with an amazing playlist by Uzair Sawal. Don't ask me who is this. Currently am following his blog on Tumblr and he is kind of sweet, I guess judging by his posts and he's in New York! Uber- jealous. Speaking of, OH WHEN AM I GONNA GET 40MIL AND GO TO NEW YORK? Maybe I don't need 40mil at all to fulfil that dream. Hmm. Oh well, his 'Patah Hati Playlist' is just amazing! Same taste in music as me, I guess. He even included Lightcraft (I remember owning their album sometime ago). Eargasm! Now listening to Lightcraft's Tanpa Jawaban.

Twenty- one minutes passed since I typed the last phrase. See how I procrastinate here? I have issues that require solving, ey? I guess reading beats writing anytime with the amusement of Teh Tarik Gelas Besar and Safinaz Yazed. They're strangers in your world and my real world but in my imaginary world, their words are a part of a big big book with photographs. Like a memoir. Speaking of memoirs, I have to get John Lennon's memoir and finish reading Into Thin Air. It's definitely collecting dust beneath my pile of read books. I need to learn to get things done before time. I need to, I need to, I need to.

And with this, I conclude that

#1 I have to get my Chemistry homework done so that I can return Ke Jia's book. Tak datang sekolah pulak tuh -.-
#2 Finish my Physics and Add Maths tuition work
#3 Get more Clarinase before I drown in my own snot
#4 Write a long, long, long overdue letter
#5 Throw all my used tissues away.

Current Location: home.
Current Mood: SAYA TIDAK INGIN KE TUSYEN.
Current Song: Unfinished Business- White Lies

p/s Just watched Yuna's Memo. Nak buat lah, macam tu!

there's a science to fear.

It's 19th June and for the first time in ever, I am actually bored. Like, I literally have nothing to do bored. Problem is, I no longer know what to do when I'm bored. Come to think of it, if I knew what to do then, I wouldn't be bored. Right. Aaaand for the first time since never, I'm listening to songs on shuffle which I have never done before. It's actually interesting to put everything on the iPod in shuffle because you won't know what's next and I have to keep refraining myself from stop going into shuffle and listen to a particular album like I always do. Imma be on shuffle tonight. For now it's Ellie Goulding's cover of the Temper Trap's Sweet Disposition. I'm willing to bet that I'm the only one who thinks it's so much more raw than the original version.

Then again, everyone sounds better live. Unless they're talentless, of course.

Okay, couldn't resist myself. It's on repeat now.

Exam's long over and I didn't feel good about the results.  Heck, when have I ever felt good about any exam. Oh wait, remember that time back when you were like, 14 and you felt good about it? Yeah, let's not dwell on that. Never mind that I just realized (and yes, it took me almost 16 years to figure this out) that I can't slum it anymore and still expect to get more than 90. Nor can I flip through the book recklessly 30 minutes before the exam and remember the whole thing. Nor can I sing a song and choose the selection that my finger hovered over on the last phrase of the song.

It took me 16 years to discover that a string of As won't start pouring down like rain. What have I been doing for the past 10 years of school? Yeah, not so much of learning ain't it? I have no clue how I obtained A's during my PMR. I mean, like, when the hell did I ever actually read and memorize things from the book because as far as I know, school books and I have been having the same issues since I was 10. My complete inability to absorb words from the textbook or even look at it for more than thirteen minutes before being distracted by something that wasn't even remotely interesting like Solitaire, of course.

The lesson here is, always always always study. So, I have a few words of wisdom for myself. That's what you get, bitch for not studying, not paying attention, not sending in or even bother to do your homework, not giving a fuck about world history, oh, and not quadraple checking because giiirrrll, you made so many little mistakes that you erased but forgot to write when you left it to dry.

Oh, wait. And another lesson is don't even bother trying to be creative or even mad quirky in your English essay (in fact, don't even put effort) because hell, the teacher ain't even reading what you wrote. Who cares that you just wrote one of the quirkiest stories with the coolest puns and of course, memorable quotes from Scott Pilgrim and How I Met Your Mother and Nick and Norah? Who cares that you were abso- fucking- lutely was inspired by Shopaholic's little gig at the boutique in the Secret Dream World of Shopaholic and Aubrey Plaza's character Julie's IDGAF attitude to customers in Scott Pilgrim? Never mind that you were oh- so- completely immersed in your writing that you had a whole movie thought of based on your story. Oh, did I mention that you had a soundtrack so amazing and so mind- blowing in mind, you yourself would pay a hard RM 50 for the soundtrack? No? Well, now I did. Did I mention that you just spent an hour writing until your hand turned numb but you didn't care because it was gonna kick ass but all you got was a measly 42/ 50 for it while you had an impeccable grammar and sophisticated vocabulary that was admired by your former English tutor and one of the guys whose opinion, experience and creativity you admire and respect. Oh, and the boy who had the worst writing, dullest storyline with no sense of plot and was anti- climatic, couldn't even spell 'succeed' to save his life nor could he form ten consecutive sentences that was gramatically correct got highest for English and problem is, you know he didn't score that much on the other sections either.

If that's how you're going to mark the papers (mindless points instead of creativity and language and of course, obeying the law of plots), I might as well toss my dreams of trying to pursue the title of being one of the best writers around which I had since I wrote an essay of a 'gangster boy' with an adorable, adolescent crush on a pretty girl. I might as well quit being in English class altogether if my efforts was being so unrecognized. Hell, I might as well need to write a standard 4's standard of essay in order to actually obtain marks that is more than average. Excellent, in fact. Long gone are the days where my essays were actually being read and commented on. Oh, how I miss you Pn. Shahrizad!

Current Location: Maharaja Lawak Land. Aaaah, so funnyyyy, me likey :D
Current Mood: Don't even care, whatever.
Current Song: I'm watching Maharaja Lawak, acane tu?

no one has the guts to shut us out.

All out of a sudden, there is a surge of people adding me on Facebook and I realized they all came from the same group of people. My old sekolah agama friends. I mistook one for another and and remembered their names wrong. We weren't very close in the first place but there are some whom I remembered spending a lot of good times with. Sneaking out of classes, cheating in our exams, pulling pranks, share our crushes and so on. And then, school ended.

We got separated. Unlike my public school friends, we attend the same secondary school and hang around the same old circles but they moved further away. A lot of them went on to boarding schools, mainly the Islam- centered ones. Looking at their pictures in an attempt to rediscover who is who, I realized that they were the kind of girls I could have been. Maybe, should have been.

Nice, good girls. Obedient. Good, generally. I admit, though I enjoy being free, part of me envy them. If I save money, it would have been to get myself into another concert, get my self another dress, buy another CD, buy another issue of a magazine. I save and I would spend on something my own mum would deem as useless. When they save money, they got themselves that new nasyid CD or the next issue of Solusi or that new Muslim- friendly novel.

They are the girls my mum would love me to be. Not the girl that spends RM 20 on a magazine that will end up all torn apart in an attempt to make a collage. Not the girl that buys a CD and ends up losing it between all the mess in the room. Not the girl who goes to movies and forgets what it was all about in the next three months. Yes, I admit. It might have been nice to be that kind of girl. Approved, not condemned.

Then again, I know I am not that girl. I am not obedient. I am not one to stay at home on a good day. I am not one to miss out on a good live show. I am not one to miss out on a good time. I don't care what people think, really. I am going to be the girl I want to be. I am not going to succumb under pressure and scrutiny and be the girl people want me to be. It's not like I run wild. Like Aizat said, I may be a "tudung girl" but I'm still cool.

And mum, an iPod is not the devil. Just because I shut myself out from the world when I plug on my iPod, doesn't mean I can't hear what you're saying. In fact, I can hear you all too well. I'm not listening to some satan- worshipping band. Even if they do, I don't care. I am not a Bieber fan. I don't care about the musicians. I care about the sounds they produce. Who cares if Julian Casablancas is a pedophile? He's not, just so you know. If the Strokes is good, then they're good.

It's not like I'm listening to some death metal either. Sure I have a song called 'Satan Said Dance' in my iPod but that song wasn't even related to Satan. Sure, Gaga is suspected an Illuminati. It's not like she told me to not pray, it's not like I go by what she preach either. Sure Hummingbird Heartbeat is pretty much about sex but it's not like I'm going to charge ahead and do it. Seriously, do you not trust me that much, ma?

I'd kill to say shut the hell up about all the crap you give to my "noisy crap". When I put a CD on, you said it's too noisy and change the radio station. Fine. When I plug my earphones, you said I'm listening to the devil. Well sorry, ma, I am not the girl you want me to be. And maybe I won't be the girl you want me to be.

Current Location: in a world where I deserve to be angsty
Current Mood: not all too well
Current Music: Set The Fire To The Third Bar- Snow Patrol ft Martha Wainwright

and Snow Patrol ain't the devil either.

he's my hero, smashing the piano

Ask me my favourite colour.
Ask me again.
They might not be the same.

I would say it's the light, ethereal teal, like the ocean one day. On other days, I would say it's the perfectly pale, almost not too bright, what I imagined buttered popcorn ice- cream would look like no matter how revolting the idea is. And the next day, I'll say it's the brightest of the light fuchsias. Some days, I'd say liquid gold though I have never seen gold in liquid form.

Today, however, I would tell you how magnificent is the colour of the thick creme brulee honey bath in the glass jar with Laura Mercier branded on the label. Placed on the red wood surface, its gold glistens in the jar. I would open it and smell the rich, thick liquid and it smelled heavenly at first.

But its scent. It lingers. And it changed to something so much more familiar. It started to smell like cough syrup and I found it amusing. Interesting for a cough syrup is amusing in its own way. Slightly sweet. Almost like preserved cherries. The aftertaste; bitter. Shame.

I would hold the bottle up high in the sky when the sun is up and bright. The liquid, gold in colour seemed more golden than it was when it was just sitting idly in the house within the confines of four brick walls. The liquid glittered like how gold dust glittered under the light when it's dark. One night, I would hold it up when it is full moon.

I would bask in all its golden glory and it would remind me of Felix Felicis in Harry Potter and the Half- blood Prince. It would remind me of the liquid luck Harry obtained from his new Potions master. It would remind me of how lucky he had gotten. How lucky Ron felt when he thought he had drunk it when he didn't even took a sip. Maybe, if I taste mine, I would feel lucky too.

Truth is, they would taste bitter thought the scent deceives you. It promises honey, caramel, vanilla, chocolate. Everything you would find in a honey creme brulee. It deceived me. It would nothing nothing like a spoonful of creme brulee. It is nothing but a bunch of chemicals concocted by chemists to generate a lot of money.

I would still admire it anyway just for the colour. For the scent. For how much it made imagine and dream. That alone, makes it a winner.

Ask me now what's my favourite colour.
I'd say it's the colours of perfectly bloomed purple hydrangeas with a slight pink- ish tint.

Ask me tomorrow.
For all I know, it could be black and orange stripes like a butterfly.
It could also be the colour of bright pink tulips at the beginning of spring.
It might be as blue as the sky or as white as the clouds on a sunny day.
I, myself don't know what it will be. Care to ask me tomorrow?

Current Location: where the wild things are
Current Mood: blank, really
Current Music: Gimme Sympathy- Metric

I'm Metric- crazy again, all out of a sudden. And I turned Nina into a Sea Wolf/ Blue Foundation fan. Joy!

life is simple in the moonlight,

I'd like to drive. Like, legally because that's the only the parents will get me a car. I'd like to drive myself anywhere I'd like to go. I won't have to bug anyone to take me or pay the expensive cab fare. I can go anywhere I want, whenever I want.

You don't have to get all prissy when I needed to go to tuition.
Or need to get some revision books.
Or bind last minute projects.
Or fulfill my insanely outrageous food cravings.
Or get a cup of those Starbucks goodness.

I'd drive myself home.

You don't have to wait for me to call you.
Or call me when I went past 9.00 p.m.
Or get prissy when I asked you to pick me up.
Or get prissy when there's traffic jam.

I'd drive myself to school.

And you don't have to bug me to be early.
I don't have to bug you to not get me late.
I don't have to hear your whines when some car just wouldn't budge from our front gate.
I'd get to listen to Pheonix and Army Navy and it wouldn't be deemed as Satanic music.
I don't have to listen to the morning tazkirah because it does nothing to get me all hyped up.
I'd dance in the car when Travis' Selfish Jean appears in my playlist.
And it'll all be fun and fine.

I don't have to pretend that I'm absurdly happy when I reach school because I genuinely am. I don't have to hate myself for wanting to whine because I no longer need to whine that I'm late because of you. I don't have to hear all those crappy pop songs on radio because I'll put in my own mix CD and I'll be dancing and dancing. I'll be genuinely cheery. There's no need to fake it.

But truthfully, I won't get it and you won't get me. I'm far too young and will always be far too young. Far too reckless, far too relentless. I'd drive high and low and you wouldn't let me experience such joy. You'll still have to send me to school, I will always have to hear your grumpy grunts and whiny whines and I will never be early ever again.

Current Location: somewhere I've never been to.
Current Mood: angry and better and better and better. Satisfied!
Current Music: Undercover Martyn- Two Door Cinema Club

p/s this girl will never stay.

let's just blame ourselves for the fallout.

This will be a very brief post.

Stop bringing everything back up.
Stop blaming everyone else but yourself.
Stop assuming things.
Just drop it.
Smile and shake hands for your religion tells you to not hold grudges.
Accept things as it is.
Move on.
Try not making it harder for the rest of us.

Thank you.

Current Location: on the run
Current Mood: in tryingtopretendineverreaditland
Current Music: Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap

p/s it would be amazing if I ever hear The Temper Trap live.

banana and cashew

I have recently changed my Add Maths tuition (no, my recent stellar performance in it had no influence whatsoever in this change) to the one with Madam Chuan(?, correct me if I'm wrong). With the expanding number of tuition mates (private tutoring with Miss Yeoh consists of only me and Farah), tuition just got even more interesting.

There's about almost ten students in that small, crowded classroom and only three students were not from Seafield. I wasn't really familiar with all of them but hey,I have seen them around school except for this one guy; Joshua. Dude is funny as hell. Our first encounter was when Xiao Hui told him my Add Maths marks and he was all like 'whooaaaa' and kept asking me all these questions. I tried to answer them and nonchalantly as possible but it was hard not to laugh. I put a ginormous amount of effort to suppress my laughter.

So, last Thursday (the hype still has yet to die down now that all of us has already received our marks), the teacher was like 'How much y'all get?' and stuff and surprisingly, one guy failed. It was pretty surprising because as far as I know he's pretty smart. Joshua, however passed! The lot of them were quite surprised by his success. Never mind that. Let's skip to the fun part.

Xiao Hui told Joshua about the guy who failed (Joshua was late so he didn't know then) and Joshua was teasing the poor fellow. After he got bored, he went ahead and ask Tuen Tjun "You got banana or cashew?" OhhhhmyGoddddd, really? Tuen Tjun had a wtf face on and answered "Banana. Of course la." Joshua then asked "You know or not what is banana?" Cue another of course la.

They got on and on until Joshua said that he has a banana tree and he can give some to Tuen Tjun for him to lick and suck or what ever it was the he suggested. I couldn't really remember because I was trying really, really HAAAAAAAARD to not to burst out laughing on the floor. That was when the teacher has had enough.

She went all "Joshua, stop. You think I don't know what you're talking about, ah? No dirty jokes in my class."

I guess that was the last straw. After that, we all just resumed with our workload. Or is it? Well, that's as far as I can recall.

Have I mentioned that the barristas at Starbucks are meant to make your knees buckle? Oh well, now I did. They're soooooooo cute! Ohh, I love an empty Starbucks and when they have Liyana Fizi on the speakers, it just had me falling in love with it all over again.

Current Location: Sadranan beach, anyone?
Current Mood: tiiiiiiiired !
Current Music: Sea Wolf- the Violet Hour

p/s am in lo- lo- lo- love with A Love Beach, Sadranan by Answer Sheet and The Fallen by Franz Ferdinand. Clash of the genres much? Hahahaha.

hush , the dead are dreaming .

Ignore the title, I am not going to go all morbid here but it is somewhat related to what I feel like saying. Dreaming. No It's not dreaming at- the- night dreaming, it's what do you dream of doing.

Today. during English, the teacher asked us what are our dreams. I could feign ignorance in front of 38 other students, but honestly, I was wondering. Am I that aimless? I have no idea what to be when I grow up but then something hit me. When did dreams have to be ambitions? I realized that I have one ultimate dream; finding all the flavours of Hershey's Kisses and find the perfect one for myself. As for now, I nominate the Cherry Cordial Chocolate Kisses as my favourite :D

The trainee teacher thought that my dream was cute. I find that telling to the whole wide world rather embarrassing (my mind have a mind of its own). My dream was to go around the world collecting Kisses? People must have that I was crazy. Thank God, I did not say out loud the #1 thing to do on my 'What Happens When I Gained RM40 million' list. It would have been weirder and I shall not mention #1 either here.

Oh to hell with what people think. What are dreams if they were not fantastical, right? I mean if I dreamt of traveling the whole world (which I totally do at times, but I don't have a clear vision how or where), my dreams would have been the same as another ten students in my class (no offence, Nina). It would not have been fun that way. Besides, how many citizens of Earth dreams of traveling the world? Probably billions.

Am I going to be just another girl in a billion of other people? Ehh, sorry, mate but no. I am going to be that one person with the one dream. Anyways, enough about dreams, I shall now step back into reality.

Us students got our test papers back and it was a little off- balance for yours truly. If I succeed, I scored amazingly but when I don't, I practically failed (okay, no, that was an exaggeration). I hope those damned marks balance out and I get to top my class. It has been reaaaalllyyyyyy long since I placed first (it's not that important, really. How you fare in the tests are way more important) and I'd like to be first once in a while. What's the harm in dreaming, right?

Okaaaaay, can't seem to go off topic with the dreaming thing. Whatever. AH! I have discovered that you do not need weed to get high (some say you NEED MGMT but Iman and I prove people wrong). All you need is an amazing friend and random things (like dinosaurs on the Wudo board or galaxies on the Bomba board).

It's true! And it's pretty hard to get off the high moment where you laugh for Godknowswhat reason and everything just left your mind. Whatever it is, it is a happy time, an epic moment and I wonder if anyone out there ever felt like I did.

Current Location: in awwwwwland
Current Mood: happy, truly. we'll see in a few minutes if I could get happier
Current Music: Answer Sheet- Summercat (Billie the Vision and the Dancers cover)

p/s these awesome Jogjakarta duo (Answer Sheet) is totally breathtaking. If there's anyone reading this, please do check em out !

crispy, gooey chocolate waffles

Warning: Crispy and gooey chocolate waffles may induce rempitzz-ness, nigga/ environmental freak- ness. I assure you, that is the truth!

Who does not like waffles? Those crunchy thingies with various flavour spreads in em. YUM YUM YUM! Well, I believe (we believe; Adilah, Nina, Rash and I) that that yummy thing contains something very, very lethal. It all began on one fiiiiiiine Friday.

Like usual, Adilah ripped off Tas' money and started to spend it. She was hungry so, she bought chocolate waffles. I thought that they looked incredibly yummy (and I guess I was hungry too) so both of us shared it. For THE FIRST TIME EVER, the damned waffles were crispyyyyyyy and had an enormous amount of chocolate spread in it. Surprisingly, I must say. Usually, it will be soft and had little spread in it. Call us lucky :D

Both Adilah and I were fine, that is until Biology rolled in and we were in the lab. Adilah started singing (I forgot what she sang) and then when she sang Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles, something happened. I believe, a rush of hyperactivity just shot in me (and her too). We sang the song with so much spirit (the piano bit was really, really exciting and fast- paced in our version).

Then, some rempitzzz soul possessed(?) us. We started talking in rempzz style and let's just say, laughter was inevitable. Especially when Nina refused to join in (she had to complete her PEKA, totally understandable) but it was so, so, so, so obvious that she was refraining herself from laughing. She was grinning and she did the weird thing with her mouth. Teasing her with our rempzz talk and Siapa Ni? was absurdly fun. And so we did for two periods (Adilah even talked rempzz style with Puan Latiffah which made the both of us laugh even more!) and by the time it was the last period, both Adilah and I were worn out with all the rempzzz.

Anywayzzz, we concluded that it was the Awesomeness of the chocolate waffle that drove us into insanity. And our theory proved to be correct when we ate it today and we went on a frenzy (not so much this time though because the waffle wasn't as crispy) and we made our first waffle- related mistake today. Letting Rash eat it.

Dammmnnn, girl became an environmental freak shouting that the plastic spoon is haram (it's illegal on Friday only, by the way) and she pulled Izyan's green bag saying that Adilah should be more green like Izyan and don't waste paper (wattaafakk ?). She also started being extremely nigga- like and began impersonating Puan Jega and called her Lady Jega (whaaaaaaat?) which was really, really really weird. We started to leave her when she decided to point her boobs out because that was just EXTREMELY weird.

Anyways, Rash's birthday is gonna come soon (19th Feb!) and we probably are gonna go celebrate it! Yippeeeeeee :D

Current Location: in secretaryland
Current Mood: tiiiiiired!
Current Music: Primal Scream- Can't Go Back

will you love me still , if i confess .

Call me a freak or just another typical teenage girl but I can't wait till the next installment of the Twilight series to come out. I don't care if the story is cliche and cheesy, I just want it OUT ! Why? So that I can get the next set of soundtrack. As much as I loathe the whole saga itself, one thing I have to absolutely admit.

The soundtrack is God- awesome.

It doesn't faze me that the Twilight Saga has amazing soundtrack. The movie might be lame and annoying but it still owns that mysterious force that pulls you towards it. And it has an amazing soundtrack even if you only hear about half of the songs on the album in the whole 120 minutes of the movie itself. So, yes, come Breaking Dawn. Descend upon us common earthlings with your mysterious force that drive young girls into a frenzy and men on youtube into an even more crazy frenzy.

So, I shall wait patiently for it to be released.

Speaking of releases, when is (500) Days of Summer going to be screened on TV? When is it EVER going to get the exposure and love that it deserves? Ohh, I hope they screen it soon so that those people ( you soooooo know who you are, people! *ehemKhaliliehem* ) who ignored my callings shall live in remorse for not watching it sooner. HAH !

On your face, suckaaaaaaaas ! And it has an awesome soundtrack too, kudos.

Current Location: in the world that won't listen
Current Mood: half- asleep
Current Music: Fanfarlo- Atlas

Ohhh dear, I would really want to go to MGMT but it clashes with the Ledang trip. Damn!

we'll have to prove them wrong ,

Rashveen Kaur is, I promise you, embarrassing! It's not that I don't like her, I love that bitch to death but she makes me feel embarrassed about twice in a day on average and I'm sure everyone else agrees too.

Why, you may ask?

Like any fine morning, Adilah and I roamed around the school blocks trying to kill time as our Biology teacher skipped town (not really, she was just absent, plain as that). While we were at that, we decided to take the long way to our class and strayed to the third floor where Rashveen's class was at. The janitor (old fellow with a crazy voice!) was on the godknowswhatyoucallit outside the class windows, sweeping up broken windows and all.

I made an innocent joke. what if some scared the shit out of the janitor from the window? He will fall down, of course. What would the headlines of tomorrow's newspaper be? Obviously it will be 'Janitor Scared to Death'. *insert Adilah and I laughing* We were then, joined by Rashveen.

Then, we passed through Izyan's class and her History teacher was in. Adilah goes ahead and said 'She looks like the Wallace & Grommit character!' in which I agreed with and we laughed non- stop. Really, she does look like a Wallace & Grommit character. Then, suddenly !

Rashveen starts to do her hyperventilating laugh. Naturally, Adilah and I thought that she was laughing about the Wallace and Grommit bit. Yeah, NOPE. She wasn't. How did I know that? Well, seconds later, her skinny little finger pointed towards the janitor who had some difficulties hanging onto the window latch and hopping into the balcony and she laughed, SOME MORE! In fact, she couldn't stop laughing at the poor bloke. He eventually succeeds, of course.

Mean? YES. Proud about? HELL NO. Embarassing? Fakk yeah!

But I love her, I do. That story is something that is funny later on when it is being told. Hence, my love for Rashveen Kaur.

Is that the end? NOPE. What else? Here goes.

Last year, all of us (Adilah, Hanina, Izyan, Rashveen, Tasmin and I) were in the same class and somehow, our class is opposite of Manoj's class. Strange twist of fate, my class is still opposite his! Anyway, one fiiiiiiine morning, Rashveen decided to call out his name for Godknowswhat reason and boy looked.

But he never looked our way.

He looked up, down, sideways and all but never at our direction, so he never found the source of the voice. Out of pure evil, Rashveen does it again. 'Manoj!' He never looked at us but boy, did he look pissed and confused at the same time! Somehow, he reminds me of a sun bear! And she did it again and again and again and again and again until I lost count but Manoj never gave up. I'm pretty sure the mystery still lives on.

Anything else I missed about Rashveen? Well, if you ever meet her, make her laugh. You'll never stop laughing at her laugh. Or worry, depending on how you look at it. Her laugh is a little unnatural if not worryingly unnatural. It makes you wonder if she is ever going to die from laughing too much.

Fun things happened today like, winning the match of the lame- ass game; Captain Ball. I contributed to one out of four goals and this week. I was so much more participative today than the last match but surprisingly, even with lack of enthusiasm last week, I still scored one goal too, last week. Witnessed Farid got locked in the sports storage room, I wonder how did he end up trapped in there in the first place as the lock was inside. Finished all my homeworks at school for the first time which resulted in the excess time i have right now.

Walked home with Ridhwan for the first time! Well, Ridhwan and Amir but I have never even spoken a word or more with Ridhwan before. Surprisingly, he looks a teeny weeny bit like Justin Bieber. Hair and facial structure and all. Was absurdly enthusiastic during Add Maths tuition which was uber- surprising. Perhaps it was all the magic of Michelle Branch's songs.

Discovered that lame movies like the Twilight Saga especially, Eclipse are perfectly capable of having mind- blowing soundtracks. Am in lo- lo- lo- lo- love with Cee Lo Green's What Part of Forever, Beck and Bat For Lashes' Let's Get Lost and also Vampire Weekend's Jonathan Low.

Discovered that you should never ever name your children with names that can be turned into Knock, knock jokes . *ehemHusniehem* and on this note, I shall end here.

Current Location: always in Land of Patiently Waiting and Silently Hoping
Current Mood: patiently waiting and silently hoping ?
Current Music: MGMT- Love Always Remains

p/s sucks that I can't go to MGMT simply because the rule states; 18 and above only.

I wouldn't gasp for air if ever I did sink.
I wouldn't struggle, I'd just let it all out fast and then start living in the past.

and I miss you, Nickyyy .

Today was fun, almost. We had the official assembly today that, as per usual, hurts my butt. Ohh, I miss the cemented floor. What's weird was that, I spent the last two years during primary school and my Form Two sitting on the tarred road but why o why am I feeling the pain now?

Anyways, funny thing happened. The new headmistress was babbling on and on about how much leadership we have and so on so, she decided to put a motto under our school name. Don't ask me where she's gonna put them up, I absolutely have no idea. Her plan was to write School of Future Leaders or something that sounds like that. Suddenly, Izyan (she was sitting behind me eventhough she was not in my class) said 'Gila rempit wehh'.

Confuuuuused! Rempit, what? Where? That was what I was thinking in my head. I was quiet for a while still trying to make sense of what she spoken and after a few minutes,

'Ohhh. Motto bukan motor.'

Yeah. Don't ask me how she could thought of a motor underneath our school name. I think she was more worried that other schools are going to see Seafield as a rempit school. Weird.

In class however, I met up with Nina (my seatmaaaate!) and we were talking about something which jumped into her sister entering Silat as her choice martial arts. I'm not against Silat or anything but it's a little funny for a girl like Nina's sister to enter it. Anyway, she was telling me about her sister and how she ended in Silat and that Farid(!) is the Naib Pengerusi. Major laughfest! Not only was it a major laughfest, I started having images in head.

What images, you may ask?

Farid was teaching Nina and her sister bersilat at the compound of Nina's house at night. All three of them were wearing all black which made them look like Ninjas and I couldn't get it off my head until Physics. Let's just say all three of them were running around making very very awkward moves in my head. I don't think I could stop laughing up until recces.

I even suggested to her that she should write being an Ahli Silat yang handal as her matlamat diri for Sivics and we had to put our strategies to achieve our goals and her strategies were
a. 'Berdamping' with other ahli silats yang 'pro' (i.e Farid LOL we assumed that he's a pro since he's the VP and everything)
b. Practice more and not only at night
c. Perform during Sports Day to make her resume impressive.

Epic, epic, epic. And while she was going to be a Silat master, I was going to be an Ustazaaaah! My three all- important strategies were
a. Don't speak to boys
b. Maybe Aiman(!), since I might want to gain more Islamic knowledge from him if he doesn't ignore me, that is
c. Go to more Tahfiz camps (somehow my camp experience became a laughing stock around my friends)

The rest of the day went pretty dull, we had Agama, which is truly the most boring class I have been into. I have a saviour though, during Agama which is *drumroll* Mudzaffar's Zip- It Bag! And yes, I am that excited to mess with it. I think he was in fear that I'm going to ruin it after zipping it and unzipping it again and again and again. During English, I had to read out loud my essay which was dull as dull can be and embarrassing because my essay lacked punch (I had a writer's block trying to figure out what to write about myself and I wasn't in my best moods either) and I had to read after Loong Yi whose essay is bloody terrific.

Can I say fakk? Yeah, I can.

After that, we had to get in groups (somehow I realize my group will always and forever be Jenny, Yitlin, Peijin, Nina, me and someone random) and Min Rui joined forces (Goshh, how lame can I get with the force thing?) with us trying to brainstorm a jazz chant about teenagers. It turned okay, I guess. We were supposed to reply the one in the textbook and that being said, it meant, disagree with your parents in the most polite way possible. I do have a favourite phrase from our jazz chant.

I am going to chase my own destiny, stop writing it down for me.

I thought of it myself but I'm pretty sure that it must have been used in a song somewhere. But I Googled and it's not in any songs online so, I suppose it is an original Eizza line.


Current Mood: tunggutunggutunggu
Current Music: Toro y Moi- Still Sound
Current Location: in tunggutunggutungguland ?

p/s Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, kenapa tak online online lagiiii . IMISSYOUUUU!

boys are pretty much, useless .

In any good story- telling, a story has to start from the very beginning and so, I shall start from the very beginning. The beginning of how I found how useless boys are. Really. Useless.

This morning, I came upon to a realization that I don't really have notebooks. I mean, I have left- over notebooks but they weren't enough to fulfill my needs. So, in the morning I went, the bookshop was closed. Well, never mind, then. I have enough for Add Maths and Maths but I don't have single line notebooks for BM and that means I'm going to have to buy them.

And so, I went. And yeah, the line was as long as 2, 000 gummy worms. Imagine how long that is. Looking for a faster way to get back to class, I found Amsyar, who seemed reliable enough.

I relied to him what I want, a couple of notebooks and a test pad. I repeat, A TEST PAD. So, what do I expect? Well, exactly what I asked, of course. Nothing more. Nothing more but what do I get?

A couple of notebooks (eventhough some of them were the wrong notebooks, they proved to be useful -only one, though) and three test pads. I repeat, THREE TEST PADS. What was I going to do with three test pads, you tell me. Anyways, there I was, innocent and oblivious, I asked Irfan whose books were these and he went 'Oh, yeah. Amsyar, kot.'

And I waited for dear Amsyar Daniel. Then, Nina asked me when are we gonna go back to class. My reply; Lepas Amsyar ambil his books because I'm pretty sure I did not buy three test pads or some of this books. And both of us waited from him and when I did see him.

"Oh, yeah, tu semua buku kau :D."

Fakkkk you, brothaaaaa ! You pretty much bought me shit. After pleading and pleading, I got one note book from him and he didn't even try to buy some of my test pads or anything. I wish I could kill him, really and he even had the guts to think that it's funny. In fact, everyone thought it was funny. Azhar, Irfan and Nina thought it was hilarious. Even Amsyar thought it was hilarious. Me? Yeah, not so much. See, I had to lug it all the way home. Was that fun? NO.

And boy couldn't even look at me dead in the face without stifling a laugh. Really, I hate you.

Current Location: in surflaaaand
Current Mood: angryyyyy
Current Music: The Drums- Let's Go Surfing

school, school, school . monday, monday, monday .

In 11 hours from now, I'll be at school. Okay, maybe not. 11 and a half hours from now, I'll be at school in my white shirt, turquoise kain and so on. Do I enjoy going to school tomorrow?

I have no idea.

Haven't gone yet. Will I enjoy going to school tomorrow? Maybe. I mean, sitting at home is not exactly enjoyable if you watched all the DVDs you own. Or if there is nobody to go out with and the best part of your day is Skype/ MSN or chat with your friends online which I had to admit; meaning you have little to say about your life, social- wise.

Anyways, I am ready to enter school tomorrow. For the first time in my life ever, I am ready. How so?

Don't ask. I don't even know myself. One thing for sure, I am looking forward to this year. Maybe it's the changes. Maybe it's the familiarity. The ambiance?

Whatever it is, I am ready. I have ironed my uniform, all of them, in fact. I have cleaned up my pencilbox; meaning getting rid of the old dog- eared lyrics, chewed up wooden pencils, dried up pens, Sharpies and whatnot. I have brand new shoes; let's just say my past habit of not washing my shoes caught up with me and they have retained their permanent gray instead of white or at least, off- white.

Well, whatever. What I am sure of is, I am ready and I won't be here (online) as often as I did. Or will I? I mean, before the holidays began, I was already an avid onliner (?). Was that about to change?

Well, as a believer of fate and destiny, I shall let the fates decide on it.

Current Location: Lyon, France :D
Current Mood: uplifted
Current Music: Phoenix- Too Young

p/s did I mention I am in love with Phoenix, again, thanks to the revelation of Two Door Cinema Club's cover of phoenix's Lasso. Amazing. Thanks, Danial :)