Assalamualaikum and hello, people in the cyberspace! How have you people been? Hahahaha, who am I asking... Anyway, it seems like the trend of me updating this dusty old blog (sweeps dust away and coos "Oooh you seven- year old baby") is annually? Which is terrible! Terrible indeed but hey, at least I get to see the yearly progress of my IB life.
Let's see. Semester one. I was just starting life outside home which I thought was going to be really cool (?!) ended up being pretty much... non- realistic. I mean, I went home every week, for God's sake! Who am I kidding. I didn't really experience actual college life or anything huh? Which means I was never homesick and... and nothing. One brand new experience I had was a "roadtrip" (sort of, I mean we took a plane to Kuala Terengganu but we drove once we were there...) with people who weren't my family and that was fun. I mean, I have never even set foot there and being able to visit there with people of my age who actually knew the place was fun!
Semester two and it began rather smoothly, actually very smoothly eventhough there was a bump along the way i.e. Selangor's terrible water crisis which made me have a three- week holiday off from college (where I spent those holidays going out, having fun and not study), I had chickenpox for the first time ever (duh... you only get it once in a lifetime, am I right? Also, it sort of extended my water crisis break into four weeks hehe). I also experienced a lot of what the college seniors dubbed as stressful IB/ KMB experiences i.e. endless weekly quizzes, killer Maths HL topics and I sort of overcome those days with a lot of crazy moments with my classmates and the canteen's nasi lemak (I think I ate those nasi lemak once a week and they weren't even thaaaaaaat good, you know comparatively to the one back home...) but hey, I survived!
Semester three happened and it was okay (pretty shitty but overall okay), I guess? Or was it terrible? I mean, judging by my exam results, it must have been okay but emotionally, God, it was fucked up. I procrastinated 99% of the time, got into a cold war (the silent treatment type) with a friend, made friends lost friends (this was the highlight of the emotional rollercoaster that is semester three, thank you, you fucking asshole) but there were a lot of fun moments too. I went to this push- your- boundaries camp called... well, it's called Pushing Boundaries and I never thought that 99% of my whole miserable college life after that always end up with the words "I wish I could return to PB again". That was how fun it was and that was how miserable college was (and still is). I also did some do- good efforts in Cambodia and that was fun though it was more holiday than volunteering, somehow. Then, everything went downhill from there but I won't dwell on that. What is the use of crying over spilt milk, anyway?
Right now, I'm living in semester four, the final semester of this grueling IB programme. Two months in and two months away from the final examinations. what scares me the most though, is not the final written exams. Not to brag, but I'm good in exams. I'm your typical overachieving Malaysian kid. I have been trained to ace exams and exams only and that's what's freaking me out. I haven't been trained to complete assignments on time. I haven't been trained to think critically for a 1, 500 words essay on what seems to be a very philosophical topic. Simply said, I am not cut out for 50% of the IB requirements. I finished my EE on what seem to be a very rushed timeline which meant it probably is going to suck and so is my TOK essay and the rest of my IAs because I have been procrastinating to no end (I'm supposed to do my IAs right now but hey, I'm blogging... after a year plus... and I chose today. Right. What the hell is wrong with me?!).
So here I am. Random work that don't matter for my final grade, done! Important urgent work, not done. I wish I could wake myself up and knock some sense into myself. Good God, pray for me people, pray!
I suppose that is my rant for today. I just wanted to blog, somehow after my friend, Izyan asked me how come I don't blog anymore. So here I am. For no reason. Only to sum up my IB life. Also, I'm turning twenty this year, who would've thought I would make it this far, right? I mean, the next GE, I could vote already. I am mature already. Mehh, where got one. Still very childlike and holding my mum's hands wherever I go. Actually, I just remembered what I wanted to write about.
I sort of spent a few hours or so yesterday reading my whole blog from A to Z and deleting most of the embarrassing blogposts I had and I wanted to reflect on that (Goddammit IB, now you're making me do a reflection on my blog too?!). I wanted to write on how much I have changed (a lot, actually, I'm rather surprised) and how some things I wrote back then were too idealistic, influenced by romanticism but there were a lot of aspects that remained true too like
1. my dream night (the Nick and Norah post and I was reminded of it after a short conversation with a friend that included me saying a lot of "You have to watch it" "best movie ever" "freaking romantic".)
2. my list of things to do if I had 40 million (this was 100% idealistic and fucking romantic and would you believe it or not, the boy whom I made this list with are no longer in speaking terms with me?)
3. the funny moments I had in school (oh how I miss secondary school)
4. my sad, depressing posts on things like being unable to drive (I can now drive where the hell ever I want), having no similar- interest friend (I finally sort of have one and I realized that sometimes, being on your own is actually relaxing), wanting to murder everyone (I still harbour these emotions), my endless existential crises (I had these since I was 17, can you believe it?! And I still do have sleepless nights muddling about existentialism up until today...)
5. my social criticisms... which were very subtle (haha) and superficial
6. my amazingly awesome good taste in music (and film and books). READ MY BLOG AND WEEP PEOPLE. I was cool even before you people were cool, damn right.
That's it peeps, that's it. Goodbye and goodnight.
Current Location: on my very pink bedsheets
Current Mood: in an existential crisis, methinksCurrent Music: Akta Angkasa- Kognitif 2
p/s I think I'll be writing more often as I suddenly had a lot of pent- up thoughts in my mind (intellectual thoughts that is, now that I am almost twenty)
